Eel

Surmise

So here I am again.
Typing away on a laptop, once again struck by an absurd set of circumstances.
The most absurd being that I graduated with my Bachelor's of Science in Nursing.
It should feel like I did something transformative and awe-inspiring. It doesn't.
My speech feels like years ago. It feels like some distant dream of the past.
Blanchette reached out, and I would have almost completely forgotten, if not for the photos I took on my phone.
Seems like I can't get used to one place. I'm always stuck moving around.
Always some inertia keeping me from something.
Someone.
Always.
It feels like I have no idea what I'm doing, but I'm not the only one who feels that way.
I know I should be taking better care of myself but I don't.
I have to stop smoking and start exercising in a few days. I don't know how to prepare myself any better.
The end of May is already here. I need to start studying my ass off.
Don't know if drug cards are worth it at this point. However, I should be pulling out all the notes I have. Gotta look into my Archives.
The dread of studying - and I don't even get to finish studying yet. Good thing I learn new things every day as a nurse.
Other absurd thing: Blackboard looks nice now. Fuck you, modern tech design. Why do you always adapt when I leave?
This is the way of the world. It's constantly moving forward. Without you. Doesn't matter. Just keeps on turning.
Nobody cares. Everyone dies. We gotta make the most of it.
Pep talk over. It seems like this laptop will always wake up a part of me that must always be provoked every once in a while.
I wonder how long this motivation will last.