Experienced Life
2019-05-24 07:28:28 (UTC)

Feeling a little better

So the anxiety of a future surgery is dying down a little. My initial shock I have to admit scared the shit outta me. It also made me feel so alone and feeling sorry for myself. Regrets that my ex gf left me, ex wife left me. Then, I manned up and got off my sorry virtual ass and dusted the dirt off my knees.

I realize I'm so lucky my ex wife left. She was so bad as a person. So selfish and thoughtless. So evil. My ex gf? She too had a terrible hangup. She had bad breakups in the past and she got some battle scars from it and I don't think she ever recovered or should I say it left long lasting effects on her. I got her broken and nothing I could have done can fix a person. You need to fix yourself. Besides, that truck would not be in my garage right now if she was still with me. I would not have hung out with my Sister again and missed that trip to NYC and that future trip to Canada.

I spoke to my friend that has something similar to what I will have but she has it worse. Instead of rods on her neck, she has rods on her back and she rocks! So I need to change my attitude because it's all on me if I feel crappy or good.

My Superstar gym friend texted me at perfect times. Late at night when I'm at my weakest thinking these scary thoughts, she texts me and I can feel her positiveness and I feel instantly better. You know how some people are just come in and is like a fresh breath of air? She is that person. So lucky to have her as a friend. Very religious and I appreciate her being in my life.

So today, I am able to put another foot forward. I'll be ok. I did text my ex wife and asked if I could see the kids. She returns texts but when it comes to a question like that, she is gone. No response. haha. Whatever, she will regret doing this to the kiddos. I know they love me and she is the one that is causing us not to see each other. Can't fix stupid. I'm good with that. She won't change and that's ok. So be it.

I stil am hoping that one day, i find someone cool again to be in my life. Hope I can make their life better too. All I can do is keep working on elf improvements. I can only control me so I'll work on me :)