Scream Above the Sounds
2019-05-24 12:49:42 (UTC)

Half Term Begins

So the holidays are upon us again, I say 'holidays'; it's only a week but it's welcome all the same. I'm weirdly excited to do my English exams the week after, maybe it's because I've been revered as the greatest student in my class at it. I've had a lot of faith put in me from several lecturers and they are all expecting great things of me. I hope I won't disappoint them. I'll be really upset if I don't get anything less than an 'A', I only need a 'C' to continue with the access course, but I feel like I'm capable of so much more. I've had A's in everything regarding English so far, so let's hope.

I could barely drag myself out of bed this morning, I hobbled to the bus stop like a reanimated corpse. I struggled to sleep last night, I felt really sad and miserable. I'm not sure why, I mean I think I have one reason to feel sad, but I guess it's just the impending alarm of doom that is depression knocking the door again. I went into college today for more or less no reason, which was annoying. I never really considered myself a 'swat', 'teacher's pet' or anything like that but I do pretty much try and get my work done on time and show up to lessons, on time. At least 3 people showed up half an hour late today; maybe I would have done that when I was 15-16 but to do it now when we're all 20 plus just doesn't make sense to me. Anyway, I had finished all of my assignments regarding ICT/Tutorial, I more or less only went in today to get my attendance mark. I sat in the classroom for two and a half hours, just reading the first game of thrones book, which is outrageously good by the way.

I'm home now and whilst I should be in a relatively good mood, knowing I can relax; I feel very tense, anxious and tired. One of my friends has completely disappeared on me, I don't know where she's gone. We talk pretty much every day and whilst she said she was going away soon, she didn't tell me when. We talked the other day for a little bit and then she said she would 'talk to me later', I went to give her a message just before I went to sleep and it turned out she had deleted or deactivated her facebook, which seems odd. She does take breaks from the internet and social media from time to time but I figured she would have told me or something. I dropped her a text and snapchatted her but haven't had any response yet. It's a bit concerning, maybe she's just had enough of me, who knows? I hope she's okay.

I haven't really got any plans over the half term, I'll probably just be anti-social and play video games. I don't really feel like doing anything lately. I've started re-watching Game of Thrones, as well as reading it. I've only really watched it through properly once before. I watched it through a second time with my ex girlfriend but I was extremely ill over a two week period so I didn't really watch it properly. I probably won't watch it all, the 'bandwagon' if we can call it that, began for me in Season 7. I said Season 7 was extremely rushed and underwhelming and 8 was just the final nail in the coffin. I actually don't hate the ending to Season 8, I guess I just hate the journey to how we got there. I've talked about all of this in a previous entry though. Either way, Seasons 1-6 are amazing. I'll probably stop watching after 6.