Do Not Disturb

2019-05-22 20:26:56 (UTC)

Freak the Freak Out

I told you this wasn’t my last entry.

I saw that he changed his profile pic on Facebook then I noticed this one girl that keeps loving his pics and I asked him who she was ( I know big mistake). He told me that it was his ex ( figured) and it bothered me so much because it got me thinking that she’s trying to get in touch with him then he told me,” It’s not like I’m talking to her. “

I cried. I just kept thinking that she’s trying to get in touch with him but why would he talk to her when he’s with me and wants me to go on this cruise so bad with him and his family and is even helping me pay .

I hate myself. I let my emotions get in the way of things.

No wonder I keep pushing people away. But I’m not gonna push him away. I really love him. I love spending my every day with him or every other day. I love having sex with him. Kissing him etc.... And for him to go out of his way to do all these things for me when he didn’t have to do such a thing shows that he truly loves me. So, why am I being so bitchy about this whole situation.

Is it because of what happened in my past ???

He keeps telling me that he’s not like them. I should trust him. I do trust him.

I’m just gonna keep writing till my hands feel numb. I need a therapist and fast. I’m depressed as fuck. I’m no longer the girl that was happy.

But when I asked him who she was it’s like he didn’t care that it bothered me so much. He didn’t care because he’s with me.

God, I’m such a screw up.

- A

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