The Brunette

Life of The Brunette
2019-05-21 15:57:47 (UTC)

My 1st Boyfriend.

My 1st Boyfriend.
Im going to throw it back 4 years ago. When I got my first boyfriend, if you do the math correctly, I had my first boyfriend at the age of 22. I know late bloomer in the relationship area. I will not put his real name, we will call him “Tater Tot”.
I met Tater Tot online, we spent weeks texting each other, until one day we decide to meet at a movie theatre. (I don remember the name of the movie, but I do remember that the jeans I was wearing I hated them). Remind you, we both didn’t t know how we looked like, so we took like 10 minutes to find each other. We saw the movie, then we went to eat McDonalds, and we talked, and yes, we did the basic movie and dinner date.
I don’t know if its just me but every time I am ready to depart from a place and I have to say goodbye, I don know how, like I always think “does this person wants me to hug them? or just wave? or just a hand shake?” We went for the hug, I was a bit taller than him but it was not awkward. Tater Tot and I continued talking and hanging out.
The way he asked me to be his girlfriend was perfect! So I love pizza, and I love to drive around. He asked me to drive to his work to just hang out. When I arrived he had ordered pizza for us to sit in my car and eat. While we were eating, we talked about family, work (at the time he was the only one working). at one point he faced me, and said “I’ve been thinking about us, and the way I feel for you, just like you enjoy eating pizza every week, I want to have you as mine every day, would you be my girlfriend?” Of course, I said yes.
Our first kiss went something like this… Me and him went to meet up with some friends at a club in Citywalk. I had a few drinks, while he had one because he had to drive. At one point, we were sitting and cuddling, I faced him and he smiled at me. His sweet smile gave me butterflies every time. I blurted out “Ive never kissed anyone”, but he didn’t mind. Next thing you know, we kissed. After that, we both got comfortable with each other, but we never had sex.
We were together for about six months, it ended because of distance. It wasn’t only physical distance but emotional too. I stopped caring for him like I was doing at the beginning. I can never forget the night he broke up with me. His words were somewhere along “I feel like you don’t care about me, or us. You don’t text me first, you went a week without talking to me. I have too much on my plate right now, and you’re not support. You’re heartless.” Ouch, that hurt me so much. I acted like I wasn’t hurt, I just stayed quiet and nodded my head.
For the next few days and nights, I cried for him. I couldn’t hid the fact that I was crying for him. I did care for him, but I didn’t know how to show it. I was afraid of being too clingy. About two weeks later, I reach out to him, begging him to come back to me and that I would change, be a better girlfriend. But apparently he had already moved on with his coworker, from his new job that I went with him for his interview a few weeks before we broke up.
Slowly, but surely, I also started moving on. For almost 2 years, I checked on his social media just to see how he was doing. I found out his dad died from cancer. As much as I wanted to reach out, that chapter of my life was finished.




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