Experienced Life
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2019-05-20 19:58:02 (UTC)

Well, I'm fucked

I had a consultation with my spine doctor today. Gonna need surgery on my neck. Probably two. I will lose 50% of my ability to turn left/right with my neck. I will have two rods stuck in my neck while they remove bone to give my spinal chord room to not get pinched. They said that I can't do jump rope for 3 months after surgery. I won't be able to drive for two weeks. I'm fucked.

Makes me think. My now ex gf dumped my ass at the perfect time. No need to be taking care of my ass. I'm sure with this surgery, I'm going to gain weight and get fat again. All this will happen while I'm alone. I got not wife to help me recover. I got no girlfriend to help me recover. It's just me. I asked my boss if I can telework for two weeks and he said no. He could if he wanted to but he is just being an asshole.

I had an inkling of asking my ex wife if I could see the kids while I'm still intact and in good form. But my senses came into play and new how stupid a request to my ex wife that would be. I'm a little down and out right now. fuck me!!!!

But.. I know I'm too determined to let things get me down. I win. I always win. I always win in every sport or everything I do. That's me. I win. I win always and win most frequently because the fire and desire in me is always there. This one is big though. The challenge is tough. If I didn't have a love life before, I'm sure as hell this isn't going to help me. Sigh..... I know I have challenges in life. My whole life was a challenge. Even as a kid when my Dad would kick the shit outta me, I survived. Now here I am. An adult and old as shit yet I still have to fight that fight.

Tonight, I went with a strong martini. It's one of those days. ... Don't know what's in store for me but what else do I do? I always seem to be fighting to just take the next step. Always. I was fighting when I was 10. Now, much older, not much has changed. Always seem like an uphill battle. Maybe just maybe.... it's time for the ride to just be over already... I think I did more than most people and lasted much longer than most people. When is this fucking ride over already?

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