Street_smart

Experienced Life
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2019-05-11 18:38:37 (UTC)

Fucking Ego is winning

Today, I hit the morning gym class. Glad I did. I needed it. Funny thing though, I had a house warming party to go to but I just didn't feel like going. Don't know why. I think my ego if getting me down. I'm thinking of the past. I'm thinking I'm alone right now. So yeah.... I start missing ex's that I shouldn't. I don't know why. I know all the reasons why I'm feeling this. I know it's in the past. I know I'm recalling a memory that comes with feelings and it can't harm me. My state of mind is in the present. Yet..... I'm fucking up a little.

Don't know what's wrong with me. I'm better than this. I have the knowledge and skills to improve myself. I guess.... I miss my ex gf. Shitty as she was for leaving me, I still miss her. Even though she wasn't the hottest or even close to it... I still miss her. Being alone is ok but sometimes I need a break and reload all the crap I'm dealing with sometimes. But I don't have the luxury to have this. Every freaking day, it's a walk uphill it seems.

What do I have for companionship? I nutty room mate that I have to be honest and not even give the time of day but because she is paying me 700 a month, I deal with it. She's a meanie. She lies. She swears a lot. I do from time to time but she is a natural at it. I just need her money that's all. She should pay me for the small chit chat I have to deal with sometimes. Such a slob too.

So, I'm finally cleaned up and ready to go to my friends housewarming party. Only almost 8 hrs later. I have gifts. May as well get it over with. My attitude sure sucks today. I need to get my ass in gear. Only I can do this and only I can change the color of my mind.


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