Weird dream last night
I dreamt about my ex wife last night. I know pretty much how I dream about what I dream. If during the day, I had slightly thought or experienced something about anyone, I dream about them. It has to be a quick one or two minute thing though. My one or two minute thing is that I texted my ex wife to fix her mailing address. I got mail from her medical insurance. I opened it in case it was of importance and it was just an insurance card and where she needs to go for her general doctor.
I took a pic of it and told her to fix her mailing address. She did reply which shocked me and she said I didn't have to be so mean about it. I wasn't but she is what she is. Told her that she should be thankful that I at least let her know her mail is coming over and I spent the time to let her know it's going to the wrong address. She then said yes, that's true and thanked me. That was it. Maybe it went 3 min. Dunno.
Wel, because of that little interaction, I dreamt about her. It wasn't good if I can recall the little bits and pieces that I remember. It was about her leaving me. About her fooling around with someone named David. I was just like a blast from the past of what she did in real life. Brought up the painful emotion of being betrayed again. I thought that shit was dead and gone. Apparently, even if you are all good, you subconscious mind has that shit locked in your brain somewhere and brings it right back while you're dreaming. I think she wanted or did have sex with me. That part I know I did good in real life with her as she always came at least once. It took longer for her to come a 2nd time but I was able to do that from time-to-time. I'm sorry for even bringing this part up but I spill all my guts out in this diary. It's my truth and it's for me so I say what I want.
Waking up, I again build my wall of strength that I've learned over the years. I absorb all the things I've learned, the realization of bad people, the self esteem that I had to build and rebuild over the years but takes seconds to come up when I awaken, and understanding that my ego is mt worse enemy and I have to kick it's ass in the morning. Then finding my peace and letting myself know that I love myself. All this happening with a few blinks of my eyes when I wake in the morning.
So I'm ok now. I had my cup of coffee. I just wish I didn't have to wake up and have to fight the fight of life immediately after waking up.
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