edd

Scream Above the Sounds
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2019-05-02 22:18:13 (UTC)

Disconnected

It's been a weird week. I'm glad it's Friday tomorrow though, even though I haven't done a great deal. It's hard to really sum up the way I'm feeling right now but I'll try. I think the two weeks off college in half term did more harm than good to me, the second week anyway. I don't think I left the house once. Going back to college was very strange, it felt good to be out in the open air, sometimes I forget there is a whole world out there and life is so much more than sitting at your computer every day. I guess this is just what I've become accustom to and don't really know any different. We all have vices, crutches and get our happiness from different means, this is mine. I feel so disconnected from the real world.

My body clock is disastrous right now so I didn't go in on Tuesday. I managed to e-mail all of my assignments though so I think i'm in the clear. I focused on resting and sleeping and just trying to keep myself chilled out. I went into college on Wednesday after staying up all night. I actually saw my ex girlfriend and her boyfriend when I was walking to catch the bus. This is the first time I have seen her since I left the flat, I didn't really look at her, I just kinda acknowledged her. I would recognise her anywhere. She looked happy, it made me happy to see that. I got into college, got my attendance for maths and headed straight to the library; just to finish up my 2000 word essay, proofread it, that kinda stuff. I was a bit annoyed but also proud that I was the only person to hand in my essay on time. Everybody else has been given extensions until tomorrow. That irks me a little but I also think this will put me in good stead with the lecturers. College is almost over now, this is the last month. We had an e-mail informing us of our exams in the beginning of June and then it's over. I really need a job over the summer, not just because I need the money but because of my mental health. I need to feel like I'm doing something and I need more social on-goings in my life. There are things that I really wanted to do too, I was thinking of travelling again, I was thinking of competing in a tournament for a video game. I don't know. I just know that I really need change.

Tonight will likely be another all nighter. I pretty much collapsed today and I've only been awake about 20 minutes. I was thinking of rewatching Game of Thrones. I have gotten one of my friends into the show and she's loving it. I'm kinda like her personal wikipedia on it right now. She's just making her way through Season 2 and she's really enjoying it. Tomorrow is only a short day so I'll get through it and then probably sleep some more. Fridays are such a pointless day, there isn't one Friday I've had at college where I've thought 'I'm really glad I came in today, I needed this.'. It's just such a waste of time. We aren't learning anything ICT related and I think we've pretty much finished the tutorial side of things. I'm sad that I've lost all of my friends too. I don't think I've mentioned this much but I had two friends in the college, Allan and Aaron. Both have quit now. I'm not entirely sure why, I guess they just couldn't handle it or their priorities changed. I got on with them really well though and I'm sad that they are gone. It's a good job I'm used to 'Me, myself and I'.

I'll try and write again soon.

Edd


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