Experienced Life
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2019-04-21 17:25:35 (UTC)

Today's Sermon was a coincidence

So today's sermon was interesting. Pastor talked about Jesus's last supper. Little did the disciples know that not long after that last supper, they'd have to skidaddle outta there because Jesus was picked up by the Romans. I am not really bible literate. I suck at it. But it was interesting because my last post, I was thinking about the last Thanksgiving I had with the kids. Little did I know, it was the last dinner we'd have together because the ex took the kid to Nevada a few days later.

Pastor talked about not knowing what's next. Like the disciples not knowing Jesus would be taken, I too didn't know the ex was going to take the kids out of the State. Makes me sad thinking about it. But the pastor also said that as long as you follow Jesus, he will give you what you want. He mentioned some of the prayer requests that comes to the church. They were heart wrenching to hear. Wishing their Mom would get better. Wishing their husband would stop his affair and come back home. Made me see that even people at church got the same shitty problems we all have. Made me tear up and feel sad for those people that I don't even know.

Lots of mixed emotions in my mind. I almost sent a prayer request asking that the kiddos forget about me and not love me anymore because the pain of not being with them is hard for me. If the kiddos are feeling the same, it would hurt me way too much. So I'd rather they not care for me anymore so they too won't have any heartache anymore.

Maybe I'm feeling a little sorry for myself. I dunno. After church, I went shopping for some groceries. Got home and decided I neglected my car for a long time now. Old faithful. I've been doing a lot for my truck but not much for my car except for taking it to the car wash. So.. I decided to clean the interior. I use 303 cleaner. It's awesome. There are some dirty things in the backseat that has been there for years now. A lot of it from the kids making a mess. Candy stains on the seat. The cup holders used to poop out when you press it but it got so sticky from the kiddos that it wouldn't even open anymore. Anyway, it took almost three hours just to clean out all the plastics and leather that I could do. The center console was so messed up that I had to take the panels apart from me spilling coffee all those times. Cleaned it up. Broke some minor stuff but nothing noticeable one I put everything back together. But the center console is nice and clean now. The backseats are as good as can be. Can't be new anymore but for a cleaning that hasn't been done in years, it looks a lot better :)

Yet, I feel it's wiping away any remnants of my kids. Clean the sticky crap out wiping out their presence in the car. I know it's stupid but it does tug at my heart. I also emptied out anything in the car that wasn't needed. So it looks as uncluttered as can be. I was able to remove the center console cup holder assembly and washed it out in my kitchen sink. Maybe I'll strip out the was outside and hand wax it. It's been using the car wash was all these years so it looks ok but could be much better. It sort of looks like it has hard water stains from the car wash.

iNow in the house and my roomie decides to come outside and watch tv with me. Not sure what's in her head so I'm leaving her alone. She's trying to talk to me but I told her I want to write so I'm not paying much attention to her. I don't want to get into any mind games with her today. Today, I want to recollect on me and my issues. It's my time to reflect. I don't have the energy to be with her at the moment. I want to try to find some light out of this life.

Happy Easter kiddos. Hope you had baskets full of candy and that you had a lot of fun today. I know you'll never see this but I love you two and always will :)