JustAGirl

The break up
2019-04-15 03:47:57 (UTC)

A year

It officially has been a year since everything came crashing down. And everyone thinks I’ve moved on. And in ways I have .... but same days it hits me... and I can’t understand what I’m crying for.

I blame myself, for seeing a good in you that wasn’t there. I think back to so many situations and wonder why was I okay with being treated like that...

I’ve been physically abused .. and looking back at him and I.. I think we were both young and dumb and toxic... but honestly I got over that... but somehow I can’t get over the mental abuse that was our relationship...


I KNOW i am happier now... I KNOW it wasn’t normal to cry every weekend ... and deal with every situation by myself expecially when we were supposed to be a relationship...

I KNOW all these things.. yet somehow I can’t figure out what I miss ...

I can’t figure out why I can’t move on...

I can’t figure out why every person I’ve tried to date after has lost my intrest

I can’t figure out why after dates I can’t help but think of you

Is it because of the fact we didn’t have closure ..

I don’t know .. I really don’t ...

And I don’t understand any of it ..


I saw basel last week... and he kept saying how I was so beautiful and he missed my laugh and me and how he was stupid and wanted me back.. and I laughed and brushed it aside because I don’t want any of those things ... the whole time I was sitting with him at dinner I kept thinking about how much I missed you...

And how it’s been a year and somehow I’m still sitting across from him and not you...

And even when he kissed me, I thought how I forgot how you and I kissed ..

I just wonder when you fell out of love and why I never did ...

I just wish I understood ... and maybe I never will..




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