✯Sincerely, Me✯

☯LivingWithMyself☯
2019-04-12 22:24:36 (UTC)

Stressed and Anxious

Dear Reader,

I’m stressed and anxious.
I’ve applied to a few more places.. but that’s it. Danny told us we had a month to have jobs and for E to go back to school, and R to pitch in money.

Everyday is a new thing. Everyday there’s a new task to deal with, that takes all day.

They told me that I had to call the places that I applied to, and check and see if they’ve reviewed my application.. which is something I haven’t been able to bring myself to do. Not because I don’t want to be hired, but because I really don’t see a point in that, and I’m way too anxious.

He also told me I couldn’t be picky. I had to take anything I could get... which yeah, I understand that when you’re on your own, you have to. But I can’t help it... My thing is I really don’t want to work in a restaurant because I can’t cook, and I just don’t think I can handle it.

I also don’t want to work at a cash register because... I’m absolute garbage with math... it takes me forever to count change.. numbers just don’t go together in my head very well, it’s something I struggled with since I was a little kid.
I’m not against it.. Most likely I’ll end up behind a register when I do get a job.. I’m just so afraid of messing up making change, and being too slow, which would set me off a lot.

I do want to work.. I do want to make money, I do want to pitch in my part, but I’m afraid. I’m afraid of so many things..

Ever since he gave us that talk, my anxiety has been very active.. and it drains me so much and I feel low. I lay awake at night... I don’t even try to sleep early because I just don’t want the next day to come. Another day closer to when he comes back, and hounds us again even worse than last time.

I feel just like I did in high school.. the impending doom always hanging over me, always in the back of my head..

I was hoping I would have been contacted by the places by now, but I haven’t heard anything. I’m not even sure where to apply next.

A month to scrape together a life that should have been together years ago...

I feel like such a loser.

Sincerely,
Me




Ad: