edd

Scream Above the Sounds
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2019-04-05 17:47:45 (UTC)

Writing Here For A Year!

Time has gone by so fast. I feel like I have grown a great deal since writing here, my views and outlook on life haven't changed so much but having tortured myself with various scenarios and reflecting for probably what feels like too long a time period, I definitely feel somewhat healthier. It doesn't feel like much has changed but at the same time, I'm in a better place now. Going back to college is probably the best decision I ever made, I would encourage anybody to do it. It's honestly never too late. I don't ever really re-read my entries but I can tell what they entail just from the title.

I still feel depressed, anxious and an overwhelming amount of sadness and I know that's never truly going to go away. I'm just trying to be a better person. I'm getting stronger, both physically and mentally. Working out has been a great way to deal with stress and has instilled some confidence and belief in me. It's been a year and there is still no real interest to try and pursue or have another relationship. I just don't think the appeal is really there, and whilst I know people say 'it isn't something you can plan', I just don't think I want it at all. I've grown accustom to this lonely life and I genuinely think this is the way I'm supposed to be. Whilst I did and do still often have thoughts of a family, it's just not likely and I would never force it. I honestly don't think I'm stable enough to have a relationship. I don't want to hurt anybody anymore and I just want to focus on finding whatever happiness I can.

I want to write more because I feel like it's a big thing to have been writing here for a year, but I'm not sure what else I can say. Just that I hope this year is good to me, and hopefully to you too if you're reading this.


Have a good one.


Edd


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