nerd™

the anger games
2019-04-01 19:26:22 (UTC)

770 days. unexist

"If no one in the entire world cared about you, did you really exist at all?"- C.C
you ever just want to.. stop existing? not die, just not exist in the first place.
like that bohemian rhapsody line "I don't wanna die I sometimes wish I've never been born at all"?
do you ever TRY to stop existing?
withdraw from any human interaction and hope that people will forget about you? stop trying to achieve something in your life so that you can never be remembered after you're gone? try to make your loved ones hate you? stop trying to please the people whose opinion means the world to you? stop trying to improve yourself mentally or physically? stop caring? stop trying? just stop and go to sleep, keep dreaming of a life that can never be yours and hope that maybe this time nothing and nobody will wake you up and you will dream your existence away, until your body can no longer contain you. until you're free?
do you ever... do any of that? because I can not stop trying to un-exist.
turns out, it's not that hard really. I've managed to make myself invisible without noticing. I don't have anyone who chose to care about me. I have my family, I know they love me, but I wish they didn't. I know they wouldn't if they didn't have to. I'm that annoying default setting that won't change no matter how many updates are introduced.
other than that, I pretty much don't exist. it's a work in progress.




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