Scream Above the Sounds
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2019-04-01 16:05:33 (UTC)

A Stressed Mess

Maybe 'stressed' is exaggerating a little. I don't really get stressed, to be honest. I guess it's more anxiety and putting things off rather than stress. I've been meaning to do a presentation for Science on Deforestation for a few weeks now but just haven't got around to doing it. I think mainly it's because I have no interest in it and I just can't be bothered. There is also a little bit of fear I guess because I don't really enjoy standing in front of people and talking, let alone talking about something I'm not really that interested or invested in. I know our science lecturer is really disappointed with our group, we started off with about 18-19 students and now we're down to like 8, it's really bad. A few weeks ago only 3 people showed up for her lesson and she completely lost it, rightfully so. I'm gonna just have to commit and get it over with because it's driving me mad putting it off every week. I've got a PowerPoint Presentation ready, I just need to talk a load of shit and get it over with.

I'm also in a bit of a mess when it comes to Maths. I don't really know what I'm doing anymore, I'm not going to bother with the exams so my plan is to deal with the assignments necessary to get the credits I need to continue with Humanities in September. The college helped me devise some sort of plan so that I'll go in, get my mark and then go to this place in the library to get 'help' with the things I need, which is pretty much everything, because I am so ridiculously thick and stupid when it comes to Maths. It really depresses me. It's always been a weakness for me, I thought maybe going back there with a lot more experience and years would help but I'm still pretty hopeless. The woman who runs the Adult Foundation course said that if I can just deal with these assignments then I'll never really have to worry about Maths again because of the road I want to take. I just need to address that so I can work on it and get it done ASAP.

Aside from Maths and Science, things are going quite well. Social Science has really picked up and I've been quite interested in it since we started Sociology. We're doing a new topic now: Health. Its a new one they've put on the course for this year and it's been pretty interesting so far. It seems quite vague to just call a topic 'Health' so I'm interested as to where else it will lead, hopefully to the more mental side of things and discussing mental well being as well as healthy eating, that kinda stuff. I definitely find myself gravitating towards it more than other subjects. English is still the main focus and the most enjoyment I think. The teacher that I found myself crushing hard on has now become our full time English teacher, so it's probably a good thing I didn't add her on Facebook. That would have been incredibly awkward. She's so sweet and helpful though, and incredibly pretty. At least by the time the course is over, she'll remember me now (hopefully). So If I'm feeling brave enough, I could potentially add her, haha. Probably not though.

It's still quite difficult to keep myself distracted. The past week or two I feel like I've jumped into a time machine, I resubbed to WoW and I've been playing a lot of Counter-Strike, I genuinely feel about 17 again. WoW has proved to be the best distraction that it always is; when nobody is around and I need time to kill, it's still one of the best remedies for me. I only subbed for a month with in-game currency so I haven't actually paid for it. I don't really have the money for anything anymore, I even had to cancel Spotify Premium. Take pity on me :( It's awful when you're working out and then you get a shitload of adverts. I really need a job and fast. Job hunting has been so demoralising. I guess nobody is interested in a 28 year old 'mature student' who would probably struggle to commit to a lot of overtime due to classes. It sucks.


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