Nala Toph

Written Thoughts
2019-03-30 21:30:12 (UTC)

I'm crying now

I just... CANT


Listen to to the album Mis-An-Thrope by DED, the whole thing...
except for the last song, Beautiful, that whole album is my mood. More so with the song, Rope.
“I’m not afraid of you, I’m afraid of what I might do”
Every one has their favorite song(s) and usually it’s because it relates to you, means something to you... well... I love this album so much because of emotionally relatable it is. I’m constantly kicking around and grunting as I write this because I have this rage built up... right now I’m listening to the album Runaround Sue by Dion to try and calm me down but it’s not working, I hit my thighs more from these bottled up emotions just now. I feel like running outside and continuously slam my face into the ground while screaming as hard as I can, until I loose my voice. And slam my face so it’s bloody and fucked up until I get a concussion or pass out.... I’d do this but Im Afraid people will call 911 because they hear a girl screaming bloody murder @10PM....

Would you kill someone to save a greater amount of lives? Because I’m debating on killing myself to make sure everyone on earth is just a bit safer... especially those who live with me. I fear one day I’m going to act up and dad will take things away from me and if he takes all of my electronics I just might kill him... no sure if I will panic and rage or if I end up slipping a blade into his throat while he is sound asleep, but one of those are bound to happen if I act up and I can’t afford losing connection with my boyfriend. I can’t afford losing connection to my diary. I can’t afford to loose connection to my music. These are the things that keep me sane.
I don’t know what I will do but at this point god only knows....

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