me

Me
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2019-03-22 20:09:36 (UTC)

LIfe

Life. Life is something that screws us all up at some point. For others it becomes sooner. For others it comes later. Emotions. Emotions can usually make or break you. It is like a ferris wheel. When you are the top, you feel the greatest. When you get to the bottom it isn't as exciting. I may be a teenager but not every teenager is depressed. Some say it is just a stage and your very possibly right. It could just be a stage.
Having your mother leave more than once as a toddler, watching her walk out the front door with all her items. Having your dad leave multiple times recently. Lots of things have happened. I haven't felt the greatest. I even tried coping with it. But not in the best way. I tried cutting. It felt like a release at first but after a bit I felt guilty. I felt guilty for ruining the only me there is. I felt guilty for not speaking to anybody how I feel or felt at the time. I blamed everything that happened on me. Why? Because I look in the past, in my past, and look at all the stuff I have messed up. I have messed up friendships, relationships with family, everything. I remember getting asked that if I could change anything in my past what would I change and why. I responded with Everything. I would change everything so I didn't get depressed in the first place. But thinking about that now well what how could I have changed it. I didn't know I was destined to be this way. I have always been picked on for having asthma and being allergic to animals and because I wasn't skinny enough. I started to starve myself. Over the summer I lost 35 pounds. I almost developed an eating disorder. I currently weigh 86 pounds and I am only 13 years old. When I was 11 I weighed 64 pounds and I never got bullied for being "not skinny enough".

I am gonna end it right here. Thanks for reading.


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