Watasumi Kasai

Complaining about shit
2019-03-12 00:36:31 (UTC)

Things are going interesting

So the guy I was talking to was a serious bust. He was far too innocent and I honestly feel like he lost interest in me when I showed him what I look like.....we "dated" for like a week, maybe two? This was all online by the way. It didn't feel like were dating at all. He was just so damn busy all the time, idk how someone who's 21 with just school to do is always busy. We never talked and if I asked him anything slightly sexual, he shut down. When we broke up, I told him idk about us getting back together. He pulled his friend into a party chat one day and talked to him about some stuff and then they pulled me into the damn chat. He was all well I still have feelings for you and wanted to get back "together". I told him that u still liked him but he has horrible communication. He tried to blame it on him having a mild form of aspergers.. he ignores his friends too, but this was so stupid. I wanted to like him .Lee than I did, I wanted to care about him but he made it so impossible. I made sure he knows that we can only be friends, not that I think he cares anyway. I honestly don't think he ever liked me at all.

Now for the absolute most current things in my life......things leading up to the surgery are going well. I still have a lot of appointments coming up. Tomorrow is the first appointment I have with the dietitian. So 1/6, I have to do the sleep study program this week also and I have another appointment with my new therapist.

I have a crush on this other guy, who is the friend of the guy I was supposed to be dating >insert laughing😂emoji here<. No at this point it's not just a crush, it stopped being a crush the moment I said I had a crush on him lol. I like him. Not a whole lot but just enough to know that I wanna talk to him about nothingness all day long. He doesn't have a deep voice and talks with his teeth and nose. He's eccentric but not super expressive, has a bunch of stuff wrong with him lol but idk is still sweet. I just think he's so interesting. It doesn't feel like he likes me but it also does. Has me listen to all his weird music that he likes, while I'm so damn reserved but also asking stuff about his sex life lol. I bounce around from one extreme to another and I'm still not sure how much I should show. How close I should try and get. He had a girlfriend some two months ago and they broke up but she allowed him to keep saying that they're together because they're kinda like best friends? They were each others first you know. My mom said he's sneaky and one of my dear friends doesn't like him at all. I can't talk to my sister about him because I feel the tension when I being him up. She doesn't want to hear about it. When dealing with my "ex" I was always thinking he's too young for me..why wont he talk to me, this is stupid? He never made me feel like I was his? You know? Maybe we went too fast. When I talk to the current guy, its laughs and sometimes serious talks. He doesn't get embarrassed when I ask him about personal stuff. He doesn't make me feel like I'm boring him and talking too much. We've know each other since maybe mid November? The moment we met, we stated making jokes about stuff. We hit if off from the start.. I know that this more than likely wont go anywhere. He said he had a little crush on me too but I'm just so stupid. I don't want this to end just yet. Let me enjoy myself a little longer. Please just a little longer. I hate how right this feels . I hate how much I want to know him. This feeling in me is so fresh, I haven't felt like this in so long. I honestly feel like I've been doused with a rain shower, its warm and inviting. I haven't thought about his age in comparison to my own at all. He's 23 with a birthday in September. September 20th to be exact.

I keep thinking about what my mom told me and she essentially said that there are two friends that I'm going to meet and that I'm going to want to be with the one who makes me laugh and feel good but the other one is the one for me. I disagree with her, if the guy I'm talking to isn't who I should be investing my time into, then the other guy (who is my ex) sure as hell isn't worth my time. Going by what she's seen, then these friends aren't the set.

Maybe he is stupidly sneaky and my mom and my friend have a right to say what they have about him. I just don't see it right now. Please God open my eyes to what it is I need to see, because my heart is breaking at the though of this ending in heartbreak. So God please, I know I sometimes act like I don't believe but this is so important. Please help me, because I even had my friend beg me not to fall in love with him, im not obviously lol but I need to know what it is she sees. I need to know what it is that sneaky. I need to know who or what I'm dealing with. Please God. Help me




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