Scream Above the Sounds
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2019-03-11 01:45:30 (UTC)


Another night of feeling empty and sad. I didn't do anything today, I need to start leaving the house more, even if it's just for a walk or something. I hardly leave the bedroom unless I'm going to the toilet or something, it's just very unhealthy. I watched the football today and we had an amazing result, we beat Manchester United 2-0 which is just so big for us. Usually I would be absolutely elated, don't get me wrong, I am thrilled...it's just not enough. Lately I feel consumed by loneliness and I've had a lot of negative and toxic thoughts. I guess I'm still confused about a lot of things in my life. People tell me that I'm doing well, I'm getting better, stronger, fitter. I just still feel like I'm going through the motions and nothing is really satisfying me; or at least the feeling is temporary. I want to be able to write good stuff, happier stuff, inspiring stuff. I guess I'm just losing myself and falling back into old ways and habits.

I can't believe it's March already. It won't be long until college is over. I don't really have any plans over the summer, I would like to go travelling again, probably next year though. My friend is coming down to visit for a week in the summer but besides that I don't have anything major planned. We get two weeks off college in April and then another week in May and then it'll be exams in June. I kinda just want it over with now. I think maybe I'll be a lot more motivated when Humanties rolls around because I'll be one step closer to studying what I'm actually interested in.

It's only 12:48am and I don't feel very tired. I think I'll watch the WWE pay-per-view and maybe play some Smash on the Switch. I've put my discord name in my Switch name now so people can add me when we play against each other. It's nice to hear from people. It's still so annoying that you can't direct message people on the Switch, it's so dumb. I kinda want to get into Pokémon Lets Go a bit more too. I think maybe playing something that was close to my heart as a kid will uplift me and I'll feel a little bit better. The soundtrack alone has always worked wonders for me.

I'm just so fed up and tired of being a pathetic, negative mess.


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