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2019-03-07 01:37:36 (UTC)

we get it

So I haven been doing this lately. But I kinda need to. It has been crazy lately. I have break downs every night and I cry myself to sleep. I know crazy because I am supposed to be "the tough girl" but in reality the tough people are actually the ones who are the weakest but are better at hiding it. My life is definitely not sunshines and rainbows. If anything it is far from that. At school my smile is not real. I wanna tell everyone everything but I can because half of the time I don even know what's wrong but I feel it heavy in my bones and it is hard to keep moving when this happens all the time. I try my best to hide the pain but I can only hold on for so long before I break. And I fall. And the farther down I go it gets way worse. And when I hit the ground. I break. I become broken. And then I have to find my way back up again. I struggle. I am struggling. Hell I would be surprised if I could struggle anymore. I feel like I am drowning. I am fighting and fighting for air but I just can reach the surface and when I am about to... I die. And that is when I am just crying and crying and crying and begging for help and begging for answers that I know nobody has. Not even me. All these people say let me help you or I can help you but you really can't. You can help make me smile on the outside but on the inside I am still crying. If only people read this and knew how "weak" I am. Everyone thinks I want attention but they don't even have a fucking clue what is going on inside my mind, at my house, at school, everywhere. And I wanna explain it all. I wanna explain what is going on. But I can't. Because I don even know what is going on. I wish this was all just a dream. A horrible fucking dream. I wanna wake up from it.

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