Lonely

My trainwreck of a life
2019-03-02 11:11:06 (UTC)

The emptiness I feel...

Hi, welcome back.
If you read my last post I explained how good I had been feeling and how I felt like life had been looking up. How that can drastically change in a day I don't understand.

I am going to sound like a person I'd never thought I would sound like. When people told me this I always thought they where overdramatic but now I finally understand. So, as I said in my recent post I had been talking to one of my new friends and that provided me with so much joy. He shed light on my life that made me motivated, inspired and appreciated me the way that I need to be. I am a person who can easily become clingy when someone appreciates me since I appreciate everyone and do my everything to make sure that they are happy and that they know that I am there for them.

So this guy after only knowing him for 2 weeks has been telling me that he misses me and we have talked a lot. And it's not what you think, none of this is in any romantic sense since he has a girlfriend that he loves very much. But him telling that he misses me and stuff like that warmed my heart insanely much since people I see on an everyday basis and that I've known for years, when I travel and come back I never hear that I've been missed. And it crushes my heart since I would and do do everything for them.

But yesterday he was busy doing stuff or I don't really know but he wasn't answering my snaps and talking to me. Yesterday I was also home from school since I was sick and no-one was talking to me that day. I felt very isolated and it's not that I have a problem with being alone since I am a type of person that craves to be alone but I was lonely. Lonely and alone are two completely different things. Alone is a psychical state of the body while lonely is a feeling.

He has no duty to always snap me back and talk to me but when one person makes you feel like everything matters it leaves a hole in your heart when that just disappears. Even though I have only known him for two weeks I would already call him my best friend. I know that feeling probably isn't mutual but that's okay. Where I live I wouldn't say that I have any close friend. And everyone I try to make always ends up making everything about themselves no matter what. I will never have friends just to be popular or just to have them which leaves me alone. As I said earlier I don't mind being alone but when I don't get to vent a lot of stuff builds up inside of me.

However that's how I'm feeling today and It kind of bothers me that I can't see how many people (if anyone) reads my posts since that would've made for a good motivation. To know that someone might relate or find what I say helpful. If you feel the same way as me, have felt this or have any tips or simply just want to talk it would make me very happy. Welcome to message me I would really appreciate it, thank you.




Ad: