WickedScript

Letters to My Ex
2019-02-27 22:43:46 (UTC)

February 10th pt 2

Dear David,
Hello again. I’ve been watching the show “Young and Hungry.” I feel like our relationship is just like Josh and Gabi’s. They keep meeting and leaving. At the end of season 3, Josh says he needs space too. She tries to go on dates but decides to wait for him too
I guess that’s what I’m trying to do. I’m trying hard to let you think things through and figure yourself out but it’s so difficult. It hasn’t even been a week since we last talked and it’s already SO hard.
I guess the difference is that Josh saw Gabi’s grand act of following him on a plane as a major sign that they were meant to be. You recognized me driving in the snow (which terrifies me) as me showing that I still really care and you still asked for space.
Remember how you used to text me “I miss you” even after only being gone for an hour. You used to say “I miss your cute face.” I miss those texts. Sometimes I wonder how close you get to sending them and then don’t. I wonder how you’ve been able to go so long without texting me. 6 years of texts. 6 years of being best friends. 5.25 years of dating.
Well I guess Gabi’s hit the point of acceptance. She’s realized that Josh isn’t coming. I wonder when I’ll get to that point. I keep writing in here every time I’m tempted to call or text you. And you’re probably not even thinking about me.
I keep wondering what I’ll do with this when I’m done. Will I give it to you? Will I burn it? Will I keep it forever, locked away in a safe?
What if I did give it to you? Would you read it? Would you throw it away? Would you just leave it somewhere unopened? Would you read it for a bit and then put it down? Would it be enough? If read it, would it make you less confused? Or more?
I hate hearing people shut their car doors. I keep hoping it will be you. That you’ll knock at my door. I’ll open it up, and you’ll shut it behind you. You’ll look me in the eyes, without saying a word. You’ll wrap me in one of your tight embraces. Then you’ll kiss me. And it will be one of those long, intimate kisses that makes me step backward. And we’d keep going until we reach my bed. You’d give me one of your usual lines “you are SO gorgeous” or “you have the most perfect body.” Among others, of course.
There’s a whole lot more of this but I’m not 100% sure how internet safe it is so I’m gonna leave it out for now.
But this is what I think about every time I hear a door slam. Every time my neighbors make loud knocking sounds. But it never comes true. It’s never you. And it drives me crazy. Everything reminds me of you.
The couch, how we used to cuddle watching Netflix. You got the good part with the footrest and I sat on the indent between the cushions. You asked me if I felt comfy and honestly, I was just happy to be cuddling with you. You were always so warm. We fooled around on it too. I always got nervous that people would somehow see through the curtains. I also thought they’d somehow see us through the door. But we’d always just pull over a blanket and do our thing before moving to the bedroom.
Remember our first night here? We did it on the bed, of course. And you said “I’m really gonna like this apartment” or something to that affect.
I always preferred doing things with a blanket on and some sort of sound. I was so self-conscious. I never thought my body was good enough. And that’s with a c-cup and a normal you-know-what. I may not have had the flattest stomach but I look damn good naked. I guess I just assumed you were pickier than you turned out to be. I should have realized, anyway, that you were with me for more than my body. I mean, you talked to me every day. We were friends for a year before we became bf/gf. We could talk about anything and everything. We went on dates, we went on long car rides, and we talked more than we had time to do anything.
You loved me. Not just for my body. Not just for my personality. You loved EVERYTHING about me. So I’m sorry for breaking up with you. I feel like maybe the saying “absence makes the heart grow fonder” is so true. I think maybe I needed to lose you to find out that I didn’t want to lose you. I thought you needed to be the one to face the thought of losing me. Turns out it was the opposite.
I’ve already deleted every social media app from my phone so I’m less tempted to spend time on it. I’ve cleared the path to my bed so you don’t have anything to step on. I’ve kept up with my dishes. I’ve worked on not leaving things in bed. I haven’t tried sleeping with the fan on because it’s winter and I’m not a crazy person. 😜 I’m honestly trying very hard. But with every day that goes by, I’m worried that I’m making these changes for another guy. Actually, I’m not the one who should be worried. Maybe the next guy will love everything about me. Maybe he won’t make me wait to se if I’m good enough for him.
I want you to listen. There are so many things that I see that I want to tell you about. That fat basset hound named Penelope that I showed you. Seeing a dirty, creepy Schmidt in “The Assassination of Gianni Versace.” Seeing the British guy CeCe almost married (Shivrang?) in Young and Hungry. And I want to tell you all about my friend. And to just have someone to talk to when she died.




Ad: