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2019-02-21 20:14:37 (UTC)

Take 2 TBY

In an attempt to remind myself of why I should steer clear of him for at least two weeks, I have decided to write down a list of all the ways he's offended me, or disrespected me - so that anytime, I have a moment of weakness or start getting mushy thoughts of going away with him or cuddling wth him or just feel the urge to call him, i'll come this for a reminder of exactly why i need to pull away, and it'll reset my axis.

Offence no. 1 - Replied with ‘nay’ then Didn’t reply.
Over Christmas period, we'd met up a couple of times. Then when I suggested we go to the arcade and have a kind of game-off with eachother he completely blanked me, then never responded. Super cold af. I was pulling my hair out for days on end, for almost two weeks wondering wtf happened and how to re-engage with him. He never did. Until I contacted him again under the guise of a business query. We started talking again. At this point it was january. that was the night we all went out, me jff, isi, sgz, etc and had a blast. i could tell he was having a swell time too. then he invited us all back to his. that morning was the first time we kissed. see, i'm getting carried away - this was only supposed to be about his offences, not a nostalgic walk-thru of what happened afterwards.

Offence no. 2. - Kept me waiting.
That night when we went to the arcade and he kept me waiting for over an hour cos he had to pick up his guys girlfriend who would later tag along with us for the rest of the evening. Although it turned out to be a good evening... .

Offence no. 3 - Didn't return my phone call.
Called him Monday evening but he didn’t answer. He messaged the next day to say he wasn’t home... . I replied, but he only replied the following day Wednesday with ‘Loll’

Offence no. 4 - His booty-call style 'Hey' at 1am
After having not heard from him since his 'Loll' on Wednesday, he messaged at 1am on Saturday night with ‘hey’. I don’t reply till the next day 12pm with ‘ hey you good'. I don’t hear from him. I message again later with ‘buzz when u get a sec’ - He doesn’t buzz, he doesn’t reply. Till the next day, saying ‘let me know when to’ …I mean. FFS. I reply with ‘now is good’ and half an hour later he calls. I ask whether he want’s to do wine at mine. And he says yea. Then he comes over later etc.

Offence no. 5 - Totally Ignored my V-day 'how do we get selected' Q, despite replying to everything else in my message trail.

Offence no. 6 - Came to his house on Friday - he was hosting friends etc. He left me and Yv alone for the first 10-15 mins. Instead of coming out and being a gracious host to the girl who he was supposed to be looking out for, in this burly group of niggas. When i tried to raise the v-day convo, he cut me off with 'is this going to be an awkward conversation?' I never got to complete my sentence, and he insisted we go back out to the room where his friends were, cos it was rude. I felt some kind of way. wonder if its cos he didn't wanna have the convo.

Offence no. 7
Despite feeling some kind of way, and mad at myself and Yv and him, I still messaged him that day saying I was having a get together at mine in the evening, and he should come if he's free. He replied with 'Ok Cool. Time?' To which I replied 'At 8pm'. At this point i was so excited, and happy about the fact that he and will and i would finally get to hang out. At first i said he's deffo coming late cos I came late to his. And when It got to 9pm, and i didn't see him or hear from him I still had hope. When it got to 10pm and he didn't show yet i said 'ok standard, he's gonna come at 11 just to prove a point' then when it got to midnight and still didn't see him i said ' well he said he goes out late anyway, and maybe he wants it to be in full swing first. and maybe he's really really trying to drive home his point.' then it got to 1am, and slowly the possibility that he just wasn't coming started to dawn on me. As stupid as it sounds, I still had small amount of hope. At this point I was thinking if he's coming this late I'm super pissed off, but still feeling hopeful. Then it got to 2am and i said to myself, no-one leaves their house to start going anywhere at 2am. And that was that. I didn't hear from him. Didn't get a message to say he was not gonna make it. Nothing. Woke up feeling pissed off. Still went to football, had to force myself cos from experience i know that idleness is the fuel for sinking further into a state of depression.

On Tuesday afternoon by 4pm, I get a stupid message from him with " good form and that (rolling eyes emoji). needless to say (or maybe not) i didn't reply.

I haven't since. I'm struggling not to. but i think writing this has helped reignite that anger. cos sometimes you forget.