marielmia

Mariel is MIA
2019-02-23 09:48:07 (UTC)

F' ing frustrated...

i just don't know what i want anymore. Or i do and i just can't have it. Another lackluster night with Brian with all my temptations out there last night and all of them rejected. i gave myself so much credit for rejecting temptation, being committed to making it work with Brian. Now, i'm wondering.

We went to happy hour with the crew. We ate bar food all night and probs stayed way too long. While Brian was in the men's, Jermaine cornered me at the bar, asking me why i was with "that dude,' that he wasn't my type and he knew just what i needed. Well, he was right in that the what i needed was available from him on a 24/7 phone call basis, but i was really hoping Brain would fulfill that need later on. As Jermaine's roommate, Fedex came over and sandwiched me between him and Jermaine, J pointed out we could just bug out and go to their place. They both know me and my hot spots. And i'd be lying if i didn't feel the flush jet from my face to my bottom But thankfully, i squirmed out of the triad, just in time for Brian not to see. i don't want it to be me that fucks this up.

So for a second night, i was invited back to Brian's place where we smoked a small roach i had in my purse and the games began. Again, apologies for no condoms and since i wasn't relenting on this, another night of adolescent playing around. I couldn't focus to orgasm. i had been doing so well of late with him. i just couldn't get over my disappointment that he forget the condoms. Oh, and it wasn't that he didn't want to use them and was trying to get away with something. He knew we wouldn't fuck without them. i'm sure of it. He just didn't seem to mind. WTF?

Right now, i am totally unsure of myself and my choices, both made and to be made. He fell asleep after i went down on him, four fingers still up his ass . i wanted to hurt him, but he didn't feel pain. He barely got out "OMG, that was so good" before he ran away from me/us? in sleep. All i could think about was maybe i should have gone with J and Fx. i need to feel pain too.




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