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2019-02-13 23:37:06 (UTC)

I don't know how to begin

To be honest this is very strange for me, I have been wanting to do something like this for such a long time but always found a reason to chicken out. "What if my family or friends read this, what would they think?" I'd tell myself. "People don't care about what you think" that dumb voice would scream in my head and once again I'd have a reason why I shouldn't do this and I'd turn off my laptop and go to bed. But then the oddest thing happened today. I am currently over at my friends house and I was just goofing off on my computer scrolling through my news feed on facebook and not paying attention to the tv directly infront of me when I heard her fingers furiously typing away on her laptop "Oh you must be going off on someone" I joked "Actually I'm writing in my diary" She corrected "Oh you have a typed diary? Aren't you scared your husband might find it one day and confront you about any vents you may write about him?" I know that's a super odd thing to say but it's how my mind works don't judge to harshly. Anyway. "Actually it's online.." She then proceeded to tell me about this site and how she made an email just for it and just gets her thoughts out where others can read it and possibly share their thoughts on her problems and give her a unique insight to allow her to work through things. It was like fate, that's cliche I know, shut up. But it really did feel that way to me, this was something I had always wanted to do but I had to many fears, I was to worried about what the internet would say to me. Would they think I'm just another whiney loser who's problems aren't as big as they feel? Or would they think I had a right to be as upset about somethings as I am. Who knows? So why not give this try? I apologize if my Entries jump around, or don't make sense. I have ADD and that's just how my mind works. I tend to thinking quickly and jump around from thought to thought without missing a beat so please try and bare with me as I add more entries. I feel this could be a good way for me to not only keep a diary which allows me to work through my thoughts and feelings but it may give me the chance to get an outside opinion on my issues. A new prespective I may have not seen before. I also don't plan on fixing errors in my writing, because If I was writing in a diary to myself I wouldn't think twice about my spelling or grammatical errors I'd just ignore them so once again please just bare with me if you should see those types of mistakes. It is kind of odd to be honest to feel like I'm writing a normal diary that others are reading, I almost feel like I want to put on a face to show the world. But that's not real and it isn't fair to me or possible readers. You probably came to this site to write yourself or read others diaries of the authenticity and for me to put on some dumb facade completely defeats the purpose. So this is me. A 23 year old female, with severe anxiety and depression and ADD, and a not very interesting life. One final thought before I end my first entry I expect to post multiple entries a day as that's what I would do in normal diaries, some might have titles same may not but either way enjoy I guess.