always wth love

Venusgurl
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2019-02-13 10:00:57 (UTC)

So close... to the edge (Poor Heart)

I came early yes, I know why am I posting so close to Valentine's Day but theres so much that locked up in these months since August 2018.
Im not same woman because my life has been a rollercoaster, lately everything has been hurricane with each move I make. I still haven't accepted the news that recently heard of my Uncle (that's whole another story)... Over sometime now am barely staying float with my last semester at my college before I transfer. TBH! , I don't know how am doing it. Its clear that my mental state is taking a hold of my sleep when I go rotation of being stuck in one place for too long. I just got too comfortable and now see the effects of my 20s. I don't want it for my own future its completely toxic. So stuffer with so much crap, it breaks me part at times. I am good at putting on a fake smile when I don't how feel within the surface. After while I will stop and try defend myself then it comes crashing down.
So far in 2019 hasn't perfect like within the six years that been not a lie. As for all the people I have met, ,they see as caring and loveable person to be with. Since applying to another college there's been second thoughts, about the timing of the matter. I cant recall how many times its been, I keep asking myself is right for me? Tbh I still don't know what is the correct answer to this question. I know that being comfortable cloud my hopes a bit. I can never mad too long because, am not same woman putting her life in danger. I just want live comfortable and still want that family. I want be in last three years. I know I would enjoy every minute of those titles (as mom/wife)after finish my last part of education.
My group of friends varies within people known me for years. It goes this weird group status as early 2000's to 2012 vs. 2012-2018. what I mean by that its how keep my life somewhat sane. Two months ago messengered my old friend Haili and she amazing to talk to, side from others spoken to in the 5 years that says quite a lot of me. Anyway there's more shit load of things cant really find the words to continue typing this entry. I will try tell you all about what happened to me in the next month, as promise thanks for being patience with me. Happy Valentine day everyone, enjoy it with the person that knows you more than anyone... See you guys soon. Stay Strong Always! Foreseen shadow


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