Melody Wright

One Strange Soul
2019-02-12 15:21:53 (UTC)

Social Anxiety

I try to get ahead of my emotions as often as I can. It's a coping skill I've had for a long time. I anticipate how I should feel in a situation before it happens, that way my emotions are no surprise to me and can't be used against me later.
If I displayed an emotion as a kid that didn't fit the overall tone of a situation (crying when people are laughing or not looking sufficiently sad when others were sad.) I would often get smacked. I could never quite get emoting right. It has lingered for my entire life. I have an almost constant anxiety when interacting with people.
Strangely, it gets better when I have more pressing, immediate things to take care of - a sick child for instance. Otherwise, it's a struggle to be around people. My social awkwardness coupled with people wanting to tell me their life stories (for some unknown reason) just doesn't mix well.
I thought it would get better with age but now that my children are older and I don't have to socialize as much, it's like I'm a weird teenager again.
I both like people and can't stand to be around people.




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