The no name.

Ad 2:
2019-02-10 08:09:40 (UTC)

thoughts, my comments, & concerns

a little bit of Daniel Caeser plus a day in bed, I finally hear from 'Blue' and he's okay.
we're okay... and that's what I needed to hear.

'Blue" needed an answer from me. I was obligated to give it to him regardless of what I was trying to save with him. 12 years tend to do something to you and 12 years of friendship was what I had given to him.... But it wasn't enough.
I had no right to take away from his feelings. He'd expressed them. He wanted me to know with the mindset of knowing how I felt. He was my light for my dark places, then again ALL of my dark places and I didn't want to lose that nor him with a "trial & error" mistake. I couldn't make him understand my reason because
1. I hadn't told him
2. I couldn't put it in word
and 3. anything I say could determine any future I had him or/and 'orange'

I get it. I'm messy, this is messy and any choice could fuck up the other option given. ( Need a better word for option) Wtf was the point of having choices when any decisions kick the other decision ass.