Nala Toph

Written Thoughts
2019-02-01 05:48:45 (UTC)


I've been lying for so long, and it's been building up. So much stress and brain power goes to remembering all of them. I cut myself and said I was in a cult instead of saying I'm a masochist. I created alternate accounts and blamed things on hackers instead of owning up to my mistakes. I created this person named Nova Star and her purpose was to really just give me lewd access. But she "became" a person, she had a job a personality, a wife, everything! Also made this one character named Mike Worthy, this guy I took an extra step and made twitter accounts for to seem more legit. I pretended to be sick to stay home from school, you may say that is fine or everyone does it. I did it allot though, we had truancy officers come to our door to give us a face to face warning. I pretended that I had dizzy spells and couldn't walk, I could actually run if I wanted to. I pretended to have anxiety attacks when really I just wanted to make sure Leon was okay. I really don't want to go to school today, no it's not an anxiety attack I just have this nervous tension. I pretended to be so depressed that I had to be in a mental hospital just so I could get away from school work. I want to tell everyone this stuff but I don't know how or when. You may think that I could just text them "[said lies]" and go on with it but it's not that simple. I can't remember half of these lies that they deserve an apology to. I lied to get information they didn't want me to know. Also all the cat fishing I did on Instagram. I started to pretend that I forget things easily and I just stare off and ignore everything to avoid dealing with things that came to school. How well did I pretend all this stuff to get away with things? Well I'm taking anxiety medication, depression medication, ADHD meditation and epilepsy medication for my absence seizures that are triggered by stress, so you tell me. Yup, instead of saying hey let's open up and not take a doctor appointment I just kept silent thinking this doctor appointment is an excuse of of school. All of this shit went too far, and I want to actually die because of it. I'm not sure how much longer I can go keeping up with these lies, I'm addicted to telling them, it's like drugs. I'm a 16 year old girl who loves telling lies, there's been a few times I read my entries and spotted a couple lies myself, they come out naturally. I don't even remember typing them on here yet here they are!

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