Jake 🇺🇸

Killing Lions
2019-01-27 14:12:24 (UTC)

Update Alex

Update on Alex. I'm pretty sad right now but... i understand why it had to happen.

She told me (and I really do believe her) that this semester had really been really brutal. And she didn't think she'd have time to date for awhile. Plus, I live 30 minutes away and that only adds to the strain. I believe her. I know that med school is very, veryy difficult. She's really smart too and so she'll put her priority on doing well in school over me and I can't blame her. She told me that she was really sad it had to stop like this and that she really enjoyed the times we had together. During break we couldn't get together since I was in Costa Rica. She sent me a bunch of snaps and stuff but obviously that doesn't amount for anything real. During break she also texted me telling me that when I got back we should find a time to get back. Then her first week of class starts and just such a work overload hit her that she couldn't do it. Is there any hope? I responded with a basically "I understand" and "I wish you the best!" but I also asked that if in the future she ever wanted to get back together with me, she had my Snapchat and it was her decision. So idk. It's hard. I really think one of the crucial factors preventing our relationship from growing was the distance we lived apart. Dates can't happen very organically when you live that far away. As a result, I think I'm going to try to limit my dating to people in my city in the future.

Honestly, i think it's going to take me awhile to get my mind off her. I don't even really want to date anyone right now. She took too much out of me. Right now I want to work and focus on running. I don't need relationships. I can be happy by myself for awhile. Maybe in a month I'll start searching again, but, I do want to find someone eventually, hopefully this year. From dating Alex I've realized that I REALLY do love nerds and intellectual people. They're interesting to talk to!! They have ideas, they have things to think about, they ask you big questions. You can also expect them to be great listeners when you're talking about less basic ideas. *sigh* Let me think about what I liked about Alex:

1. She knew exactly what she wanted and she was very decisive. She'd let me "be the man", lead and make the decisions but she could hold her own. I also felt like I could give her a responsibility and trust that she'd stick to it.

2. She was serious about her career. She wasn't going to let anything get in the way, even me. And I loved that.

3. Smart and loved learning about new things. She asked me all about physics. We even got talking about the crazy world of quantum mechanics! She challenged me about it too showing me that she actually was interested and listening, she didn't do what 99% of other people do: "nod and smile".

4. A girly and feminine. I find feminine ladies to be farrr more attractive. Alex knew how to receive my compliments and nice things and it made me feel amazing. She'd say "thanks" when I told her she looked cute or when I held the door for her, when I walked her to her car she acknowledged it and was like "OMG you walked me to my car, you're so considerate!!" (even when I just wanted to be with her a little longer lol). Ohh and if there happens to be a girl reading this, for first dates, it's unattractive for the girl to simply say: "Well you can pay if you want but you don't have to", instead, if the guy offers to pay, get excited and thank him! You'll make him feel amazing. I think it was her combination of being a "big bad girl" but also being super sweet and soft underneath that I loved so much.

I can only dream of finding another girl like her. Even though I doubt it, maybe, somehow, strangely she'll want to get back with me. But until then, at least for awhile, I won't look for other girls, I won't date. I have no interest right now since my heart is kind of in a sad place. Not crushing, but it'll take awhile for me to start liking other girls.

Actually, that's something about me. I've always wanted exclusivity. If I fall for a girl, nobody else matters.




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