ish

ish
2019-01-26 22:45:09 (UTC)

crushed and dont care anymore............

really am baffled of the last coupld days turn of events............

i am totally not understanding...........the last coupld months have been hard....im suppose to devote myself purtly to a man i rarely talk to or see.......have tried to talk on it..but he isnt present..his mind is on rl and i cant blame him on that


but in the mean time..im in pain and sleepless....my avanue of release has been given to someone that isnt around........months now...no definates of when ...never any more info than what is on the surface...........im to wait.....and wait more....and even when i wait and ask......im not given any information..so im to be your puppet when you snap your fingers....

.not sure what purpose i serve here..you want to be my friend..but you treat me like im just thing ....and seem to you thats all i am.....and im not sure when that changed or if i am just too nieve to have seen that all i was is an oject to what???? lol it isnt to fuck.....or even to talk to...so what purpose do i serve..............what a fucked up excuse for a relationship........how is it i fell so hard in love with someone that has no sence of equality for women............we are only a means to an end.....so glad i found out now............cant believe i was drawn into it for a year.......should have takin note when it was just to difficult........

.....have to say was one of th emost difficult irritating relationships i have ever endured........have never been so torn between love ...passion and tottaly irritation that makes me just want to pull every hair out of my head................im a voice not heard at best only tolerated till bored of hearing then its a vanishing act cuse dont want to deal with it........this isnt all me........tired of appoligizing and taking all the blame..you want to make the rules and im to obey then without question or any kind of need met...and in your preaching you keep telling me on power echange what a load of crap........

..i have met a few doms.....and i think with the cultural thing....there will alawys bee a difference..if you can beat with ease your woman....and keep them from what they are needing..that is called opression......you would think a man who went though a bit of seeing that would have a bit of understanding on it and certainly not objectify woman..............you know..what ever...is something that is in the culture probably for thousands of years that wont be broken in a matter of a ocuople protest....woman in american only just became able to vote in the 1900s.......black rights was still being protested in the 1960s......still young in our own evelution of being human to all......so i certainly cant place blame for a social tick that is cultually insued...........

damn heart broken that it is that way...cuse it puts us in a place of really no understanding...certainly not when we cant sit and hear each other............thinking you wished for that kind of realationship........i have not ever had a problem communcating with others.....but seems the languege between us is more than not understood in its intention.....how can i fix that.....seems bigger than me........and doesnt seem to matter.........he is over me for sure........and im not even sure what i did...........i offered to stop getting on sl till his business was in a better place...or was trying to suggest something..cuse im damn go figure im human and need a few things..or would like ............what a fucked up mess............that you would totaly go into anger mode was totaly unexpected....i tought truely..and i seem to do it everytime .......i for some reason think you mean it when you say be open and tell you all LOL...what a fucking joke.....................

you cant handle when i tell you the things ii do ...is why you shut me off..so i got it............am sorry.......am so sorry this could have been the best relationship of lives.....but what more could i give you...what more???i mean you had most of me...cept when to fuckin shit or piss.......or what to eat..but damn i would have starved to death by now and be so sick from retaining toxic waste........cuse you would havent of had to time to feed me or tell me i could.............i wish you all the best in your next relationship......i am to touched by you to be over you..but i wont obsess anylonger...hurt to much for that.....sorry to have wasted all this time on something that was so fruitless.................will be a very long time before i even think on relationship again....................and wont be with someone that i cant talk to...............someone open ..and honest with his words ..not someone that says something..and is just talking to talk or to have athority.......never thought you my bitch that you think that just speaking with authority is making you my bitch is just insecure...........what do you need fear from a girl? i have never gotten that....we do have brains and thoughts and feelings ....and somethings they are more complexed than you may ever understand....................ok at any rate.....................i need let go of this..fucking hurt....i dont deserve this i have not done anything wrong....................ive been totaly devoted and love him......i have tried to communicate and seems i speak a aliean launguage......dfamn it just hurts.....i dont ever want to do this with anyone again...is way to much to painful..and now my trust is just not even................................i want to just kick and scream....and kick you ...over an over..like you did me on the palet the first time.....your a fucker....a hateful mean fucker......you have ruined me for any kind of play in D/s so that should make you happy distroying my sence of understanding.............and trust for sure..has been shakin to my very core....to open myself to you as much as i did....and for you to dismiss me so easily............im sure that pleases you.............have a great life.....and yeah know you have left me affected and bitterly hurt....disppointed...........i am so fucking stupid and nieve..........




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