blown fuse blues
today was proper fucked up.
i decided while still in bed that the super depression group was something i couldn't handle today (ubi -anxiety). i guess due to the nature of the thing, they want you to check in and give a reason for not showing up. Much to my dismay, i could only find the phone number of the group ad-- the person running the group, no email addresses. So rather than covertly excuse myself, I had to talk on the phone in true 2004 fashion. Fumbled though that and was feeling prettay darn good about being too fragile for a chronic depression/disability group. Actually yeah, I had that sense of relief you feel after avoiding something unsavory. So, rather than just immediately blaze that shit, I took a more adult human approach and decided with well intentions to brave the winter fuck fest and go to the gym! I got about 95% of the way there when my damn vehicle up and denied in a mixture of hard and soft snow. Unbelievable. My first attempt at scooting beyond a 2 block radius of my house in almost 2 weeks, en route to a self care activity, and just zero power, zero green and red lights. I had to fucking ask some guy playing with his kids to give me a push. Panic mode. Asking strangers for help is about as fun for me as eating like a thumb tack or whatever. I got to the gym and Triana was like, "you're hear anyways, come work out!" and I was like.. "mumble mumble i should probably take care of this". I just wanted to die so hard all day. People were being nice and helpful and I'm trying to be appreciative and shit, but i literally just wanted to be under a thousand blankets, dead as hell. I called a cab and he had to fucking manuver the shit out that cab and then push the scooter in and help me because it was icy and rough, then my dad, xfvccccc I didn't even mention that I had ordered groceries online that had to be picked up in the afternoon.
I need a tea and biscuits break. Check back later and maybe I'll finish this really lame story OR MAYBE NOT!
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