GirlJustTryingToBreath

Things No One Knows
2019-01-23 03:46:12 (UTC)

In Need of Something

Have you ever felt like something was missing? I have, however, the emptiness that I am feeling is different than usual. I'm not exactly sure how do I explain it. It's hard to put it in real terms but all I crave right now is to get drunk or high.
The last 3 times that I have drank it wasn't getting me drunk. I just kept drinking and drinking but to no avail did I feel any semblance of the lightness that I craved. I thought about getting high the other day but I don't smoke anymore. I always have the opportunity but forget about it. If my boyfriend found out that I smoked the devil's lettuce, again, I would get in more trouble than its worth. He's one of those good kids that doesn't smoke, drink or do any recreational drugs. Now don't get me wrong I admire that quality about him I really do. However, sometimes I really just want him to let loose, do something a little crazy but he hasn't. The worst that he has done is drive a little too fast or do stupid innocent things with his friends.
Is it bad that he is starting to scare me, you know that look that someone has when they have feelings for you. I'm not sure the correct way to describe it but it's like there is a light in his eyes when he sees me. He gets this little smile on his face and just shakes his head a little bit calling me a nerd as I ultimately embarrass myself, whether I pull a quirky face or use a word that is not necessarily a regular vocabulary word for those around me. It scares me because I don't know that feeling very well for myself.
I get so confused on what to do or react so all I can think about is wanting to get out of myself for a little while. Activate some dopamine or something.




Ad: