Canadian Cutie

Life through my spiritual eyes❤️
2019-01-22 16:23:07 (UTC)

Epiphany of sorts

Listening to: To be alive - Def Leppard
And then in conversation
I love the way you mention
Nothing's ever gone your way
With a hammer in your hand
You spell out a master plan
We never learn
(this verse of the song fits well to the epiphany I had below)

"Someday, everything will make perfect sense. So, for now, laugh at the confusion, smile through the tears and remind yourself.. everything happens for a reason." ~John Mayer

Today was a good day.. I ran a few errands and went to my appointment at the hospital, turns out they did a biopsy and I am kinda hurting at the moment but I am a tough cookie.. All is good health need for worries :) Just a precaution for a procedure I am about to have done that is very beneficial to me :)

When I was driving today.. I was sitting at a stoplight and my mind wandered off to all I have been through lately and for the first time.. I didn't cry.. I had a moment of understanding. Kind of an epiphany of sorts. The tarot reading I showed cards showing loss and growth.. I never really thought much of it at the time. But it's been spinning in my head all day and I truly believe all I have been through lately has happened because there was a growth and a self reflection I had to go through on my own. I had to hurt to grow. I needed to grow within myself and that had to be done alone. I look back on myself late last year and while I know I am a good person with a good heart and good intentions. I had a lot of immaturity and lacked self worth and self esteem and it came out in my relationship and He didn't deserve that. Yes, it took a hit at the last of 2018 but it didn't destroy me. As much as it hurt.. I rose and fought to work on myself and growth within myself. To not pull back into my own but to reach my therapist, my best friend. I didn't use it as a reason to go wild and free and do stupid things. Yes.. I went to Vegas, drank a bit but it was also that time I gained clarity on what I needed to do and I am doing it. I needed this time on my own to realize I have outgrown friendships and the "partygirl" lifestyle. I realized I love who I am and there's really nothing wrong with her. She just had some growing to do. For the first time I realize I am worthy of everything I desire. I have grown, learned and focused on the areas I know I needed to improve, for my own happiness...and I don't ever want to stop focusing on growing and I don't intend on it. I am enjoying learning who I truly am...My growth hasn't been just maturity but as a submissive woman and even spiritually. I have opened up my abilities and grown to discover myself in those ways too. I am pretty proud of who I am becoming (and I know I am not done). Don't get me wrong...I've always been proud of who I am but now I am more confident in who I am.. confident in my worth and self esteem.. I also learned I needed time on my own to focus on my health journey, get myself to a good health and focus on my goals and I am killing it with that.. my doctor says I am healthiest I have been in quite some time. So the above quote makes sense to me. Wow I babbled lol.

I wanted to hit the gym again tonight but I am hurting after the biopsy so I think I will go take a really hot Lush bath and pamper myself with a hair and face mask while I enjoy a hot tea and soak away the day.. Much needed..

I hope everyone has a wonderful evening ❤