Scream Above the Sounds
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2019-01-22 18:10:48 (UTC)

Understanding and Being Better

I spoke with my friend today, the one who I mentioned was cutting me off/spending less time with me or whatever. I feel like I snapped and my emotions definitely took hold of me. I don't disagree with anything I said to her and I wouldn't necessarily take it back, I guess I just felt hurt and she knows it. I respect and understand whatever she decides to do though. I'm just scared and worried that our friendship will never really recover or be the same. I've decided that I'm not going to talk to her and give her all the space that she needs to make this work. I've told her that if she needs anything or just wants to talk then she can message me, I'm not going to be a dick or cry. I'll just try and be the best I can for her and if she doesn't need me around then, that's it really.

I went into college today and it was honestly the longest day of my life. Tuesday's are always pretty gruelling although Social Science is getting a lot more interesting. I had to do my presentation for English today and I did it on the 'positive effects of gaming'. I was originally going to do both positive and negative but I figured it would take up too much time so I opted with the former. I think there is a big stigma when it comes to video games and I don't necessarily disagree but I think it's important to discuss the positive effects that it can have on some people, including myself. Our new teacher was impressed with it, he gave me an A* so I was pretty happy about that. I don't expect anything less in English though, this English course is my bitch. Only the best will do. I was then asked to take part in a group discussion, I was absolutely dreading the topic but it turned out to be: "Should Boxing be taught in schools?". I said yes, optional of course. There are many pros and cons to it but if boxing was taught in my school when I was growing up, I would have totally taken it. We were all graded individually on the group discussion but I got an A* in that too. So it was a pretty good day in regards to college.

I've been up since about 4:30am and I'm fading already. I've just put a pizza in the oven and my friend wants to play some video games tonight but I honestly don't know how much I have to give. TWM have been in touch with me too and they want me to write an article in regards to the Royal Rumble this Sunday. I need to try and stay on top of everything. Fitness has been a write off the past few days too. My legs have been killing since Saturday; I went for a long run and did 30 minutes on the bike machine. I'm really paying for that now. I need to do something today otherwise this will be 3 rest days in a row and that's not good enough. I have to try and keep some composure and I need to be hard on myself, I want change and I'm not going to get it if I keep making excuses or I'm too weak. I have to keep pushing myself and strive to be better.

I'm still waiting to hear back from Michelle, I won't hold my breath on that one though. She's always crazy busy, so I wouldn't be surprised if I don't get a response from her until the weekend. I don't want to send her multiple messages so I'll just wait and see what happens. Hopefully she doesn't forget about me! I wouldn't be surprised if she did though, everybody else seems to. That was a joke..kinda.