Experienced Life
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2019-01-21 16:41:24 (UTC)

Cleaning house, unexpected flashback

Still cleaning the house. While I was in one of the closets, I saw a box and I know it's one of my kiddo's toys. It's a couple of light up cars and a track system that you can build into any which way you want. This reminded me of my boy and one of the last few moments we had together by ourselves. He was playing with it one night in the family room and we were alone. Yup, it stirred up a trigger of the past and the emotional feelings that is attached to this emotion. The heartache of him or the feeling of him not being around anymore hurts. However, I also know that this is the past. Memories have emotional attachments to it. This is normal as I've learned. I understand that this is just a memory and I am ok. Safe and sound in this house. The moment has gone and the pain I feel is normal as it's a part of the memory that I am experiencing. I understand this. I know I sit in this house and that moment is gone and I am safe. I'm in no danger and this is just the past creeping up on me. So I just need to man up and understand this and I will and am ok.

I will not let my ego get to me and I understand the situation. Just a little flashback is all that I am experiencing. So yeah, life isn't hard but I got this. I'm staying positive and being the best I can be with what I can control :) However, I've been practicing a bit for my dart match tonight. For that, I am fucked!! haha. My throwing arm still isn't right and I could actually use a couple of more days to heal. Right now, there is a hitch when I throw and it's pulling low and to the right. We are in for a treat tonight. Gonna require a few extra glasses of wine to numb the beating we are going to be getting. haha. Still, if the worse thing that happens to me this week is to lose at darts, I'll gladly take it :)