it's so cold
the former wife has blocked me/limited access on all social media at this point. the latest (last) was on the 'gram after i liked a photo of my dog. she unfriended me months ago but i guess didn't realize i could still see her shit until I liked the thing. it tears me up that she hates me to this level. like obviously we're divorcing each other and that generally predisposes a level of animosity, but even with everything, it was... uhm, i still appreciate seeing her posts, her take on the world and yeah, the happenings of little B. i thought we'd still maybe have some kind of friendship?
in other news, I'm fucking pathetic and think about her way too goddamn much given that it's been 16 months since we were in the same room. i regret telling her i was feeling suicidey that time. i know in my heart that was where i forefieted access.
post marriage life has been so profoundly worse, i'm literally awestruck by the new chasm the depression has found. im a hollowed out suit of flesh and bone. angry, miserable, irritated constantly, sad, apathetic at the same tubdzxfcgcccggfx dgfddfcx
i completely understand her motive for expunging me
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