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2019-01-20 22:50:06 (UTC)

Till date, my heart still ache...

Of late, a few friends who are going through the pain from losing their loved ones due to sickness. Of course, that struck me thinking.. Life is very fragile and my parents are also getting older each year. Even though it is part and parcel of life that everyone has to go through the life cycle, it is always different when the people are your loved ones..

Few days back when I was having breakfast with my parents, I realised that my mum's hands area are more wrinkled compared to the last time I remember and her energy level is no longer like the past. My dad looks slimmer than last time, and he can no longer walk long distance and climb stairs. The young and energetic couple who used to carry me when my legs are tired from walking are now getting old. Now the position is switched. I am at my prime and their paces have slowed down. As children to our parents, we are always so caught up with our own lives that we forgot that our parent are getting old. Many people fail to realise the importance of treating their parents well and end up regretting when the moment arrives.

Personally, I am really fortunate that my parents are still healthy and fit. But I am not gonna take each day for granted. Everyday, I try to remind myself to treat my parents the best way possible coz I don't wana regret when the day comes. I want them to live each day happily. I want to see the smiles on their faces and hear their laughters as much as possible.

My first experience of losing a loved one happened 7 years ago, when I was forced to give up my pet dog. He was a gift from my ex and we were his paw parents. When we broke up, I wanted to keep the dog so badly partly because my ex's mum felt that the dog was a nuisance (coz he barks at neighbours). I guessed my mum didn't want me to get upset with the breakup thus she insisted that the dog can't be kept. The dog was then given to my ex's friend to take care. TBH, I do not know if my dog is still around. I don't have the courage and didn't want to contact my ex to find out. Thus till date, this is still a mystery. If he is still around, he will be 12 human years old.. I have always had this thinking in my mind. Does he still remember me? Does he blame me? How is he living everyday? But what nobody can expect is that till this very date, this regret still haunts me. The thought of my dog makes me feel utterly terrible. My heart still ache and I still can't get over it. This is the reason why I am never gonna have another dog again.. The pain is simply too excruciating for me to go through again. Every year during his birthday, I will recall all the happy moments I spent with him and replay the videos I took of him.. Wondering how it would be like if he's beside me now. Even when I am writing this post, tears just fall uncontrollably. My first major regret in life. Probably the first of many more...