Scream Above the Sounds
I've always said that I've never believed in it. I don't believe in fate, destiny or anything like that, but I'm finding it pretty hard to ignore things. I've just spent the last 4 hours talking with Michelle and it really hit home. I can't believe it was 2015 that me and her had what we had. I regret not pushing for it, so much. I always regretted it but after talking to her recently, I regret it so much more now. When she said that we would probably be together right now, that hurt. I think I was scared; pursuing somebody who didn't already live in the UK just seemed impossible for me but I really did like her. I told my best friends about her, her goals and aspirations etc. I told my family about her briefly but I don't think they thought much about it. They probably thought I was being silly. I don't think they would have understood.
It's just the story; the way we connected...purely from a chat room. An anonymous chat room where we talked about nothing but Zelda and Nintendo for about two hours straight. I think I asked her if she wanted to speak again sometime and she said she would love to, and then we started skyping regularly and developed a very close bond. Stuff like this just doesn't happen, I do genuinely believe that me and Michelle were meant to be together. I stuck out my relationship for a long time, purely because we were both comfortable, grasping and were determined to make it work. Me and my ex were never right for each other though, we both needed to wake up and realise that. It felt just like old times with Michelle tonight, the only difference was we were talking on Facebook messenger instead of Skype. She has a very busy life but she said she was going to try and make some time for me and hopefully we could do some stuff that we used to. That makes me happy to hear. She told me that she wanted us to continue watching Dexter (we only got to season 4, which is the best one!). She said she wanted to re-watch season 4 again, so hopefully we can get started on that soon! I've told her to hit me up whenever she's free and we can do whatever. We speak regularly on Facebook/Whatsapp so hopefully I'll see more of her, I really hope so. I need to start my subscription so I can start playing games online on my Nintendo Switch, she mentioned that it wasn't too expensive and plus I wanna kick her ass on Smash Bros! It offers a 7 day free trial I think but I don't want to waste it if I know she won't be available, I'll just wait until I know she has free time.
She told me that I'll always have a special place in her heart and I know she will in mine. I think I will be hanging onto hope that maybe 'someday' things will work out and fall into place for me and her. I just feel like it was meant. I'm not saying that I want her current relationship to breakdown or end, no way! Ultimately I just want her to be happy. I do feel like me and her have unfinished business though and that we really could have been something special. Our very first conversation since talking again has me believing that more and more. I'm just going to be the best person that I can for her. I'll always treasure her, our friendship and the times that we've had. She said to me 'Life is unpredictable'. I guess I'm saying; if it's meant to be, it'll be.