Scream Above the Sounds
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2019-01-19 20:58:47 (UTC)

Finding Focus

I just got back from a run, I really needed it. I haven't done any exercise in the last two days and this week has been quite overwhelming and filled to the brim with anxiety. I'm going to be better next week, I hope. I'm very good with words, I could talk anybody's ear off but my problem is, I'm just not doing what I say I'm going to. I have all these plans and goals and objectives and instead of just fulfilling them, I'm making excuses. That's how I've been my whole life and I can't afford to slip back into that pattern because if I do, all the pain and suffering that I've endured over the last year will have been for nothing. This was supposed to rebuild me, not kill me.

I didn't go into college much this week, I just haven't felt good. I'm a bit behind on some biology and my maths is suffering (but what's new there?). I went in yesterday and I managed to hand in my 'reflection' essay. This is the second reflection assignment we've been given and we have another one later on. I think it's just a way for them to gauge the way we are feeling and what are we hoping to achieve in the next year or so. My essays tend to look very similar to a diary entry on this website, it's just hard when there is a '400' word cap, oops. I have to do another PowerPoint presentation soon too, I don't have to present it though. I just have to be able to show them that I understand and know how to use it.

My body clock is really messed up right now, I didn't sleep until 9am today and I woke up about 5pm. I've been waiting for one of my friends to install World of Warcraft. She's never played it before and has always wanted to check it out, so I said I would show her and level a character with her. We did make a start on it but I think some of the files messed up and she couldn't repair the game, so she had to do a fresh install, so we've been waiting for that. She's gone to bed now though so I think we'll check it out tomorrow, hopefully. I've been talking to my friend Michelle, the one I mentioned in my last entry. We've agreed to spend some time together today, so hopefully I'll see her later tonight. I'm really excited to spend time with her again. I'm a bit worried that I'm going to get attached to her again and I know I shouldn't, so maybe I will have to try and keep my distance, I don't know. I won't really know until it happens, either way I hope she is free tonight so we can do something.

I think I'm going to chill for a little bit now and then I'll go on the exercise bike, have a shower and then see when/if she is available tonight. Aside from that, it's the Pacquiao/Broner fight tonight so I will definitely be tuning into that. I finally bought Smash Bros Utimate the other day too so I have a lot of character unlocking to do! I need to unlock my boy Falco. I also want to play some more Pokémon, I'm at Mt.Moon at the moment. I was talking to my friend the other day about potentially evolving my Pikachu into Raichu (Raichu is my favourite Pokémon), sadly the game is staying true to the anime and Pikachu refuses the stone :( I guess I'll have to catch one instead!


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