Just your everyday breakdown
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2019-01-17 03:30:40 (UTC)


Hello again,

Well today was fun, started off the day by waking up and being productive. This has not been the case lately due to sickness so it was nice to be able to get some things done around the house that needed to be done. However, after 2 pm this is when the mess began.

So a little back story...

Yesterday, I talked to my mom about car shopping. She said that we could go around 2:30 pm today so that we would have plenty of time because she had nothing to do the rest of the night....Now fast forward back to today....

So I'm sitting there at around 2:30 pm waiting for mom...never shows up....3 pm goes by, still nothing. Now 3:40 pm comes along and mom calls saying that we can look online for cars and everything, but she has to go with dad somewhere at 5 pm. This, pissed me off. Because not only did I just waste almost 2 hours waiting around for her when she said she would be available at 2:30 pm but now I only have an hour to LOOK ONLINE?! I have been looking online for the past three weeks when I was sick in bed and not able to function outside of my bedroom. I don't need to LOOK ONLINE. I need to get out there and start looking for a car that is promising and might actually let me make it to work! So when she got home, I obviously was quiet. Then she started picking at me and saying "What's wrong" . So I told her and then she got mad at me because I am lazy and only care about myself and play the victim. Um, excuse me I am the only one that is trying to keep this family somewhat okay right now. You want to know why I am so tired, it is because of YOU and you mess that is going on with the family. So I decided to take a little drive to the bank and deposit some money.

Later when I got home her and my dad were arguing. Okay, that is fine this usually happens around the third day that they are fine. So it is happening on the second day? So what. But then she starts throwing glass and dresser drawers and scales. I'm walking towards the office and she throws something at my dad outside the room. This item almost hits me. So I scream "Are you fucking serious?!" That of course was not my best choice of words because she decided to start throwing more stuff, now in my direction.

I honestly don't know how to deal with all of this stuff. I am trying to move on with my life and figure out what my future holds but I keep getting sucked into this mess that is my family. It hurt so bad and there was a pit in my stomach. I went into the bathroom by my room and so that they would not hear me cry I turned on the shower. The shower sounded so good that I just sat in the shower with the water running down my face. Honestly, I could have fooled myself into believing those weren't tears.

After getting out of the shower, I got back into bed and started watching my show. My dad later came in and told me that he will be back because my mom decided to go awol again. He came back around 10 pm. There is still no sign of my mom returning anytime soon. Honestly, I hope she doesn't return tonight because I took her spot in the garage and she doesn't like that very much, however my dad said he needs my car out of the way.

I tried to talk to my friend josh about it, showed him the bruises I got from dresser drawer. All he said was "go to the hospital" . I told him its only a bruise plus it will get my parents in trouble or something . He said "if you say so" . Like bro do you not give one fuck about anyone but yourself. Really need to stop giving a fuck about what Josh says or thinks because I know that he isn't/hasn't been a good friend in the past, maybe I'm just being too good of one by keeping in contact. Who knows.

But for now, I'm not going to worry about any of that. Here is to a night full of Shameless episodes and Nyquil shots.

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