Canadian Cutie

Life through my spiritual eyes❤️
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2019-01-13 18:02:59 (UTC)

Happy to be home

Listening to: Love Bites - Def Leppard
When you make love, do you look in your mirror?
Who do you think of?
Does he look like me?
Do you tell lies?
And say that it's forever?
Do you think twice, or just touch and see?
Ooh, babe
Ooh, yeah
When you're alone, do you let go?
Are you wild and willing or is it just for show?
Ooh, come on

Always been a favorite song of mine, I know I have many but Def Leppard is my favorite band by far..They are coming to my city this spring and I am going lol.

I am home.. Although only 36 hours it was plenty for me. I gained a lot of clarity in things the normality of my life wouldn't allow me to see. I have only exchanged a few lines today with B.. I just can't. I have chosen to end it with Him. I am not sure how as He does deserve some respect in how I do it..or does He when He refused to change the things that I consistently told Him was an issue.. Regardless.. I will do it respectfully. I am just not healed and not over my former. Yesterday, after Friday I struggled extremely hard..probably worse than I ever have but.. if I am struggling over a month and a half of parting with my ex.. I am really not ready to be moving on. I tried.. I forced myself to take steps forward in major ways but ultimately my heart is still with Him. You can't help who you love, you aren't supposed to. I know how we went wrong and why but the one thing we did right was build a damn strong friendship and love for one another. That trumps all in my eyes. So I need to take the time I need.. to focus on myself and my my submissive journey and as a woman.

I also learned this weekend that I am not the same girl that would club with the girls and drink til I was completely wasted. That's not who I am now. In Vegas.. the girls wanted to party non-stop..They barely slept. They let guys buy them drinks and flirted with guys. Im not that girl. I did go to one club but I didn't enjoy it. I left early and went to our room and curled up in bed and called my daughter and called my best friend. He said (and I had to laugh) "My baby's all grown up"...I said "shut it lol" But He's right in a way.. I have grown a lot in the past few years but I think more in the past 2ish months. The girls love to party still...despite two being in relationships and/or married. Yes I put on my little black dress and heels and I looked the best I ever have but I didn't enjoy wearing it for people to gawk at or buy me drinks.. I felt good in it for me, not for others. I will still be their friends as they are a good group of girls but as far as clubs and things.. I will pass..

Anyways, I am going to go soak in a really hot bath and do a face mask.. I hope everyone has an amazing evening <3

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