Canadian Cutie

Life through my spiritual eyes❤️
2019-01-13 11:41:14 (UTC)

Sometimes distance from normalcy gives clarity

Listening to: shallow - lady gaga
I am currently on my flight home. I have wifi on this flight, yay! We got an earlier flight as we were just all tired. We paid a few extra to catch an earlier flight..They (the girls) haven't slept more than a few hours. I was smart and went back to my room late last night by myself and got some sleep but I am still tired.

Vegas was good overall.. I won $5700.00 about 2 hours after we arrived, two of my girlfriends won $2300 and $2100. So I felt bad one of us didn't and gave the 4th (T), some of my winnings so we all go home winners :) Had to fight her to take it but she did after I hid it in her luggage lol.

I honestly have to say.. I have learned this weekend I have outgrown my friends.. A few like to party.. I don't. They like being flirts. I don't. They like attention. I don't. I am happy being a homebody in my comfies having tea and watching sappy Hallmark movies cuddling my puppy. It doesn't mean we won't be friends. We will always be.. Just not in a party atmosphere. My best friend E told me few months ago that I have outgrown my girlfriends. I didn't really think much of it til this weekend but He was right. Don't get me wrong, it was fun to be with my girls and fun to finaly experience Vegas but I am just not the same girl I use to be. The me I was a few years ago would have loved this trip..but I am not the girl I was years ago, not even the same girl I was 2 months ago. I am ok with that.. I like who I am now.

I was going to write about Friday but I decided not to. I actually deleted a few entries before this one..My mind is all over the place and yesterday I really struggled with thoughts of this relationship and thoughts of my ex. Things with B well...the situation I have had all along. I am here with my girlfriends focused on a good time and Him telling me to "be available" then Him vanishing again for hours on end after asking me a questions seem to be an ongoing issue I don't know I can deal with. I got frustrated and said goodnight.. I went back to my girlfriends and just put my phone away. He does this and it's my biggest issue. He will be in the middle of a discussion and poof.. for hours..We haven't spoke since. He has messaged but I am just not up for this conversation right now. I brought this issue up several times since we been together and He keeps promising to make changes and they never happen. My former did something similar but was usually when He's mad and probably safer for me He did lol but.. He wouldn't leave conversations hanging. I always knew what was going on. I think I am honestly just not ready. My heart isn't ready and how can it be when my former still has my heart? I tried to move on and I forced myself to take steps but I can't just "get over" Him. A connection like we had doesn't just fade. I think I am just not ready. I think my biggest priority right now is working on me and continuing my submissive journal, my growth. Working on me and my goals and stay in the belief life happens the way it's supposed to.

I just watched a youtuber I follow on the plane.. She's called "Stargirl the practical witch"...I was watching her one card reading called " What’s Next In Your Love Life? •pick a card• Psychic Reading" (this is the link) I follow her and my number with her I always choose is number 2.. It's my lucky number in all areas of my life.. When I watched this (number 2 starts at 8:17) .. I started crying.. I believe it fits me and the person I am to the letter. It was bit emotional.

I am missing my puppies and my daughter something awful. I think overall this trip was good for clarity. Sometimes it takes getting out of your comfort zone and your familiarities to gain clarity and this trip did exactly that. So I am thankful for that. Ok I am going to go, try to sleep a little.. Minds a bit of a mess

Hope you all had a wonderful weekend <3