Canadian Cutie

Life through my spiritual eyes❤️
2019-01-09 10:21:27 (UTC)

Off day.. *edited

Typical routine this morning but I managed to push too hard at the gym due to frustrations and hurt my back. I ended up leaving 20 minutes early and still hurting. It's a good outlet but sometimes I push myself too hard when things are on my mind. I went home, showered and got ready for work and I am here now. No training today thankfully. I am really not up for being my friendly chipper self but unfortunately here in this business I have to force a smile and try my best to keep my personal life at home.

The Dom B messaged me today. Said His usual "gm sexy, hope you have a great day" I acknowledged it and read it but did not respond. I don't know if or when I am going to talk to him again, truthfully I am just over it. If it's affecting my moods and possibly my job.. I just can't put myself through that. He tells me He needs and wants me to communicate and when I do He seems so empathetic and understanding and even patient and vows to be more conscious about it but then nothing happens. It doesn't get better and I feel like a witch bringing it up time after time. He says He is very committed to this and me but his actions fail to match his word. I cant do that. My heart isn't invested and if it's not working during the honeymoon phase, it won't work long term. I don't think I will be seeing Him Friday unless some miracle happens but I am not holding my breath. My girlfiend, shes submissive too said I should just go friday and have fun. Not think just enjoy.. Almost tempting as the physical chemistry is off the charts but I value myself more and my submission is something I take so seriously. I think it was far too early to move on anyways. I am not healed..my heart is still healing. It was a good distraction and it did help me but I am just not ready. What I had with my ex was real.. and by all standards the deep connection we had and the friendship we built set a high bar for any who may come after Him. Yes, we had our issues but that was due to inconsistent structure and me acting out because of it. It was lack of communication that ultimately was our downfall. I want that connection again, I want that friendship. I have spoken to a few since we ended and not felt that connection. I don't know if I am expecting too much or I am just not "unconnected" to my ex (just not ready). I had stopped talking to others when the Dom B and I were exploring out of respect to Him but I really don't believe He was giving me the same respect despite Him saying He is.. Just way too many red flags and unless something big happens. I am just not putting myself into this. I can't. I see he just text me.. I am not going to open it or respond at work. He's in toronto anyways so there is no rush.

Ever have one of those days you wish your co-worker would stop talking and just leave you be? Normally I am a social butterfly but today I just want to be left to do my work and let me get through today. He has good intentions but I am just not in a place to be making small talk. I don't get grouchy often but today is one of those days, between my back hurting and this uncertainty in my D/s relationship. I am just off. I know tomorrow. Phone keeps ringing and interrupting me typing so I guess I should go do some work despite there being none to do lol.

**Ok I am back with a quick update lol.. I saw that guy who is at our property that I helped yesterday and he was just as cute actually cuter than he sounded and I was wearing my tag, I forgot.. So he thanked me again for my help yesterday and we chatted a bit.. Few minutes later he came back with a Starbucks for me and my co-worker. What was really cute was on mine..which He specifically handed it to me..it had a phone number on it. I didn't notice til it was half gone. Now THAT was smooth. I am not going to call..but it just kinda made my day not too crappy :) I also got a few glowing reviews that my Boss informed me of. One actually called my boss and told them how I made a difficult situation better. I am so glad I did.. you never really know what someone is going through and what it takes someone to get out of bed and face the day, being kind takes nothing but it can mean everything to just one person...It made me feel really good.. So it's really nice to have your day turned around by just being nice to people. Good karma :) So my day has improved..

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle in which you know nothing about"~ Ian Mclaren


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