Jen just jen

full :: transparency
2019-01-09 05:02:02 (UTC)

scheduling matters

I have trouble keeping to a schedule without it becoming my enemy. I find events set ahead of time, they seem more daunting when sitting on the calendar than exciting. I find spontaneity exciting, because I can only seem to garuntee how I'm going to be in the moment.

There are these things I think, but they aren't really the truth. The truth is I'm still learning how to take care of me. I know now that setting things up for myself ahead of time is the only best way to ensure they'll get done. But even through the getting things done flurry of activity, I sometimes don't know what a thing is worth. I get struck by the madness of just keeping up that I don't know how to keep up with me. I'll either run out of things before I plan for the future again or I'll forget why I wanted to do those things in the first place and disengage.

I hope I'm building better stamina in knowing the purpose of the things I do with running. It's taken me years to get to this place in my exercise habit where it feel natural, compulsory and necessary to get it done. But I want to add these other things, and I don't know what will end up breaking the camel's back.

it's just stuff to fill up my time anyway, it's not like I have better things to do.
I just don't want to get so caught up in thing that I forget myself.

It's either get busy living or get busy dying. I don't always know which one of them I'm going to do.




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