Experienced Life
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2019-01-07 07:57:07 (UTC)

Following people on this site

I've been posting for years on this site now. It helps me I think and perhaps sometimes reflecting on some of my older posts shows me what I had to go through, what I did, how I am now, and a lot of positive (some negative) growth. I also get a lot of nice texts since it's public. I even made friends from this site.

I've been following two gentlemen here. I look at their lives and think it's along the same path as mine. Going through a divorce and such. However, they're path is a little ahead of mine so I sort of measure my life similar like theirs but just maybe a glimpse of the future as their divorce happened a little earlier than mine. The same as my path. Trouble, attempted reconciliation and then the inevitable breakup.

The move and separation after a divorce, the life after divorce, etc, etc. I peer into their posts in an attempt to see what my future holds. I know it's not me but I want to see my possibilities. It's sad. One gentlemen is now struggling financially. He is barely hanging on and is borrowing money to keep things afloat. That's what happens when a separation happens. What was once a two income home becomes split and now each of the formerly married couple now has to pay for their own rent, electricity, etc, etc. This person is about to be evicted.

The other person is older. He was married for a long time. Now he is in a small apt. I can see his life is deflated now. If not for his daughter and son visiting from time-to-time, he just watches TV. Sad to read. He's always sick now. Always on meds. I really feel for the guy. Again, we walk similar paths. Will that be me in the future? Sigh...

Then there is "M". Different story there. Funny how online dating sites no matter what they post, people are human and will focus mostly on the looks. Nothing evil about that. It's human nature for most people. But here, you don't see that. You actually see their personality, their feelings, their heart, their emotions, their thoughts, etc, etc. Just thinking...thoughts are emotions huh? Anyway, "M" is someone that I started to like from her inside. She make sense to me. I understand how she feels. She is so soft hearted you can't help but like her. I'm not being co-dependant on her. It's just when you see someone so good on the inside, it's so rare nowadays. So that's why. That's why I like "M" that is an impossible relationship as she lives so far far away. Yet the feeling is there. I smile because at least I now know what I want in life should I want to be with someone again one day. I now have a mold of what perfect as can be is :) . Well, she isn't perfect. She does have one flaw. lol. But that's between she and I :) Nothing bad really. Just an inside joke between us.