Canadian Cutie

Life through my spiritual eyes❤️
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2019-01-06 09:05:26 (UTC)

To be Alive...

Listening to: To be Alive - Def Leppard
(Cute story about this song..Every time I hear it, reminds me of a guy I met in a chat room many many years ago..a guy who I fell for and who fell for me who was from Ireland. He was a professional golfer and in the world tour and He made me 3cd's of songs, some not released to the public but his Dad was one of the producers behind Def Leppard. He mailed them to me and we would spend hours upon hours on the phone together, just listening and talking.. Finally during his tour he was fairly local and I drove to see him. We spent an incredible 2 days together and when I went to His room. He had this song on..was perfect, was literally like you would see in a sappy romance movie lol :) We still talk periodically through email. I need to email him today, maybe I will send him this song :)

Good morning :)

I usually skip Sundays at the gym but because I won't have an opportunity to go Fri-Sun next week I am staying consistent in going this week. I need my burn. So I woke at 6 and worked out til 8, now home. showered and first load of laundry is in. I am the only one up yet, love these quiet mornings alone with my tea and thoughts.

I will put dinner in the crockpot in a bit. Making Ham and Pineapple..and scalloped potatoes and asparagus, yum. Not doing much today, staying in.. Back to work tomorrow for my usual shift.. I am working every day til Thursday on my normal short shifts. Friday I am off but have plans to spend the first day completely alone with my Sir B, I am sooo nervous lol

I was up til midnight, I came home from having coffee at my best friends E's work at 8. We just sat and talked. I was so happy to see Him.. He's been the one consistent my whole life. He's loved me through good and bad and still think's I am amazing..feeling is mutual. I stayed up til midnight texting and watching Netflix. I was always worried about the nights and adapting after having spent 14 months in a certain routine but lately it's been really good. I haven't felt the anxiety of an evening approaching. The nights just come and go now and it doesn't really bother me. Progress :) I am healing.

"Growth is painful. Change is painful. But, nothing is as painful as staying stuck where you do not belong." ~ N. R. Narayana Murthy

I didn't hear from my friend here SS (Street_Smart) last night so I looked into his journal here (because I am worried about him) and saw the two writings here. I have a mix of feelings when reading them.. The first entry "My Afterthoughts"..At first worry..for all he's putting himself through in regards to his ex girlfriend, ex-wife ect.. I get it, completely. My heart is still healing too.. and I am there for him should he so choose.. Then I came across what he wrote about me and I was stunned. I had NO idea. I knew he cared for me, to the extent he has? no.. I am beyond flattered as SS is the sweetest guy I know.. He is the type of guy any woman would love to call theirs.. He has a heart of gold, deep core values and yes He's very attractive..He's the total package any girl could want and I care for him yes, He's an amazing friend...He has been a huge support for me during one of the most difficult breakups in my life. He has become one of my closest friends..You can't not bond when you both go through something together so difficult and open as easily as we both have to one another, I became a bit frustrated and hurt that instead of telling me himself, let me respond, he pushes me away in such a cold manner, just let me stumble on it here instead of being as open as we have always been and tell me. The entries after show he's not in a good place so I go back to worry. I don't know how to help or how to make all ok for him. Hate I am the cause of part of his pain :( He's completely shut me out so I don't know if my presence or my absence is what's needed by him. He told me he needed space so I will respect it. but I am here for him if he ever needs me.

This week will be fairly busy aside from work. Seeing B after work Monday briefly before He leaves for business on Wednesday morning. Maybe Tuesday too for quick coffee. Wednesday I have shrink after work, Thursday I have hair appointment. Some days I like being busy, not wasting a moment, other days, times.. I love my downtime and seclusion. I am bit worried about Vegas and becoming overwhelmed with emotions and my senses. My girlfriend said "who's sad in vegas?" true but.. the amount of anxiety I could feel off others could be overwhelming. I will just take some solitude if I need to.

Work should be picking up a bit this week and steadily the next while. I am training the new guy again on Monday, two of us are training him but while my shift is short..He will stay longer and train with another when I am gone. Hopefully no calls at work or weird experiences going to the car. I have had a few calls on my cell, kinda creepy. I hope it's not related to the ones from work. Speaking of work.. My Boss sent me a friend request on Facebook, I bust out laughing...yeah As great of a guy he is.. I like to keep work and my personal life ..separate however I do have my girlfriend from work on there but we both feel we are friends outside of work and have hung out outside there.

Anyways, not sure what else today will bring.. but we'll see..I should get dinner in the crockpot and swap the laundry. I am going to start spring cleaning today too..Again, please say a prayer for my friend SS.

Have an amazing day all <3