Experienced Life
2019-01-04 21:30:54 (UTC)

Broke my silence

So.... I haven't texted my ex gf except for two times in over 2 or 3 months. Once was for wishing her a happy new year. The other was just tonight. Her daughter's Grandpa passed away. Don't know what that means if it's her Dad or her daughter's Dad. Anyway, I posted a reply for the second time in 2 or 3 months. Not sure how I feel. I know she don't give a shit about me and I can accept that. But someone died so I felt I had to.

I think it demeaned me a little as she don't give a shit and never replies to any of my emails. I don't want her to reply so I can get my fix that she may still want me. I know she don't. I know she pretends I don't exist so she can pretend to have a clean slate and anything we did didn't count. Anyway, I sent my condolences on facebook. It will go to deaf ears and no reply will be sent nor expected.

One day. some day... someone will give me the honor to reply to me when I send a friendly text and I will do the same. I just know it won't be happening anytime soon even when a death is involved. So be it. I'm ok with that. I just want to make sure that I don't turn cold and ugly like the people I bump in to nowadays. I hope my old school thoughts of being true, honest, loyal, and all that still holds true in this day and age. Doesn't seem like it anymore. Reality shows and what not changed the perception of people.

I got into an accident tonight. I got rear ended. Feel dizzy but not sure if I'm feeling like this because I just got out of the gym. Made me think though. I'm tired of fighting just to tread water. Yeah... I'm tired. I don't talk much about ending but right now, it sounds pretty relieving. Don't get upset my fellow readers. But you've felt it. Doesn't it get too hard sometimes? Doesn't it get too hard to have to juggle life? If you say "NO", then I say you're full of poop.

I'm feeling so dizzy right now. Going to sleep and I'm ok with accepting whatever happens.

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