It's like at some point i ..
It's like at some point i decided to stop allowing myself to be happy. Now that wall has grown so many layers. It's so hard to even take one down. Like it's just completely blocked.
Not just happiness. Any emotions. I don't feel sad, happy, angry, jealous, envy. I just feel nothing. I feel like i can't relate to anyone because i'm just blank. I guess in a way it makes dealing with things easier. Maybe that's why i am this way. It's always so much easier to feel nothing than any of those things.
Maybe i drink because it does give me a kiss of what those things would taste like. But it's not real. I wake up the next day the exact same, just hungover.