Taking someone to the front of the line
So it was a pretty intense night tonight. I have so many mixed emotions. I'm trying to work it out and get it straightened out in my head. Some good. Some sad. Some beautiful. Some traumatic. But for sure... way too much input to figure out in a day. I have so many mixed emotions. But you know what? It means that I'm alive and still fighting. I haven't given up on life and life has shown me a little bit of heaven. I also heard some ugly things in life too.
But the big picture? It's not all about my ex gf. Life is way more bigger than that. I've seen things or have at least been enlightened to in life that I haven't seen before. It's made life worth living for even more than before. I thought I've seen what life can give me but I was wrong. There is more to it than what I've lived so far. So tonight, I will play a part in it.
Regarding my friend "M"? She is one of the greatest gifts I ever was lucky enough to find. I have friends that I love and cherish that I've known for 20 years now. We'd give each other the shirt off of our backs. But "M"? Somehow she's gone to the front of the line in my close group of core friends. I'm not an idiot and I'm not just infatuated by her.
Everything she says, does, actions, and what she tells me just resonates in what I feel and believe. I don't have to explain the pleasure, pain, frustration, of life to her. She and I already knows because we've been there and done that. Scary stuff as I've never experienced this before. I don't know what to make of it. I just know I'm so dang lucky to have found a friend like her. Now that we're friends and bonded, I feel like I can take on the world where at one point, I felt like I was fighting a losing battle. Now I feel like I have a fighting chance. :)
I feel something intense for her. Yet, I dare not say it to muck it up. I don't know. Perhaps I hit my jaw harder than I thought lifting that barbell at gym today?